The end of a marriage can be a devastating thing for someone, even if the decision is amicable and for the best. The potential for devastation can be compounded if the marriage ends because of deceit.
One woman shared on Reddit that she and her husband are divorcing because he didn't tell her that he's gay before they got married. Understandably, she wasn't happy when she found out this information, but things got worse when she found out he was lying to his family about the reasons behind the divorce.
The woman found out the truth when she caught her husband cheating.
The woman writes that she didn't know her husband was gay until he was caught sneaking around: "It’s a long and sucky story, but my (25F) soon to be ex (28M) is gay and hid that from me. I found out because I caught him cheating and he as much as admitted that he knew he wasn’t attracted to me that way, but he wanted kids and a 'normal' life. I don’t care that he’s gay, but I will never forgive him for leading me on so he could use me to have kids, so it’s over, end of story."
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She just found he's lying to his family, too.
"The problem is that his family are fundamentalist nutjobs except for a few members and his mother is the interfering MIL from hell," she continues. "Not being related to her anymore is another plus to leaving. His family doesn’t believe in divorce, so under the guise of picking up some paperwork and other items I had found that were my ex’s, she cornered me about how I’m being childish and marriage is about commitment, forgiveness, and working through problems, etc."
He told his mom that the divorce is the woman's fault.
"It became apparent that my ex didn’t tell his family that he cheated, he told his mom that I was divorcing him because we weren’t having sex often enough for me. I tried to be patient and explained that he had cheated and that’s why. I wasn’t going to go into greater detail because I know how his parents are and it’s none of their business."
But her mother-in-law's advice made things worse.
"MIL’s advice, I kid you not, was that men are just that way and if I wanted to have sex more and for him not to stray that I should make myself more attractive to my husband and be a better wife," the woman explains. "I lost the plot completely. It had been a sad and hard day already and that was the last straw."
The woman went all in, and it might have been a mistake.
"Here’s where I might be the AH: I told her that the only thing that would make me more attractive to my ex would be a sex change operation and that I hoped he and his boyfriend adopted her some grandchildren so she could finally shut the [expletive] up about it. Not my finest moment, but she just hit the worst and rawest nerve she could have and I exploded."
Now she has a lot of mixed feelings about what happened.
"It’s evidently turned into a huge family drama, he’s probably going to be disowned, and my ex called sobbing that I’ve ruined his life out of spite. I don’t really know how to feel about it. I do feel bad for him that his parents are such awful people and there were just no 'good' outcomes for him, but I also feel like he made his own bed here, too."
Some people are on her side.
While a lot of people think the woman went too far, some people get it. One commenter wrote, "You got pushed into a corner and blamed for the demise of the relationship which was ultimately bc of his dishonesty. You didnt do it maliciously.
"Also he wasted years of your life for selfish reasons and I personally could never forgive that."
Another person chimed in to support the woman, too.
A second commenter agreed, writing, "Agreed, he doesn’t get to use women as broodmares just because he’s closeted. Honestly it could be a favor to the ex as well, even if he can’t see that in the moment. He’s living a lie because of his family. Maybe he’ll be able to be happy with his boyfriend in the future because there’s no longer a chance of pleasing his family."
They also think his religion is the real problem.
While people think the ex-husband's behavior was terrible, a lot point to what they believe is the real culprit — his family's religious beliefs.
"He’s raised by fundie misogynists so he IS a fundie misogynist," wrote a commenter. "Who also happens to be gay. Of course he had no problem finding a woman to sacrifice to keep himself cozy in the closet."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
