When an engagement ends for any reason, there's always one question people want to ask: What will happen to the engagement ring? The answer isn't very clear-cut, and there are a lot of different opinions depending on what caused the demise of the relationship in the end.
One woman recently shared on Reddit that her fiancé unexpectedly died, and she's been left with the engagement ring he gave her. While he willed the heirloom ring to her officially, his family wants it back.
She's still in mourning.
"I (31F) recently lost my fiancee (37M) Jake. We've been together for 6 years. His death was unexpected and I'm still mourning," the woman begins.
"At the funeral (which I arranged and paid for) his brother (32M) Jim asked me when I'm going to return the engagement ring to the family."
The ring has a special story.
"For context, the engagement ring with which Jake proposed is an ancient family heirloom," she continues. "It's a gorgeous ring but what makes it priceless is the story behind it. Jake got the ring from his grandma a month after we started dating, he claimed he knew back then he would marry me some day and wanted to get his grandma's blessings on the ring. When he proposed his grandma already passed away so having the blessings put on the ring made it extra special for the both of us."
His brother wants to give the ring to his girlfriend.
"I asked Jim if he's serious to which he said yes, apparently his long term girlfriend Stacy saw the ring a while ago and fell in love with it and the story behind it so she kept nagging him to get her something similar, which he couldn't," the woman explains. "He figured since I can no longer marry Jake he can propose to Stacy with it. I told him that he is rude, that the ring was blessed especially for Jake and I in mind, and even if that wasn't the case bringing it up during Jake's funeral is incredibly disrespectful."
The family is pushing her pretty hard.
"After the funeral I got a [message] from Stacy saying it would mean the world for her to be the new owner of the ring and I could always think of her and Jims wedding as the bittersweet ending to my relationship. She said the ring was blessed so one of the grandsons can marry the love of his life, and since Jim is the only living grandson left he has a claim to it. I blocked her."
She really, really wants to keep the ring.
"My ex MIL also reached out to me and said that although she understands my pain I can't keep the ring since its a family heirloom, so I should suck it up and give it to Jim. I snapped and told her no, the ring is staying with me and following me to the grave if need be. It's a beautiful symbol of Jakes love and I won't let Jim and Stacy sully that memory of him."
She says she is the legal owner of the ring, too.
"The ring is legally mine so all they can do is cry about it and be bitter. They keep harassing me on social media saying I'm a bad person and that I stole the family heirloom to spite Jim and Stacy out of jealousy but I ignore them.
"Today I met up with my brother and he said that although Jims approach was highly inappropriate, I'm being selfish for keeping the ring as a keep sake. I could always wear different jewelry that Jake bought me in his memory but they could never replace an heirloom that's been in their family for generations."
She is thinking of another option for the ring, though.
The woman ends her post by writing, "As for my decision, I would rather wait for hell to freeze over then let Stacy and Jim get the ring."
However, she has another idea. "Jake has one cousin (10F) that lives far away, I used to babysit her while her parents still lived in town," the woman explains. "I think I'll gift her the ring after she graduates HS and pay for her college tuition using the life insurance money I got, I hope that way I can do right by both Jake and his grandma. They say time heals, hopefully 8 years will be enough for me to let go of the ring, if not, I guess we'll see then.
"I'm not telling anyone in his family what I have planned, let them think they've lost the ring forever. I think it's a punishment fit for their actions."
People had plenty of advice.
Commenters had a lot of ideas for what she could do. One person said, "Since you paid for the funeral, and they didn’t, offer to sell them the ring back for the cost of the funeral. If you’re not family entitled to keep the heirloom in their opinion, you shouldn’t have had to pay for the funeral expenses."
And ultimately, she needs to be happy.
In the end, it seems like a pretty simple case for the readers of Reddit. A second person summed it up by writing, "You were family enough to pay for the funeral. You were family enough to have grandmother's blessing. You were family enough to your partner. The ring is yours, Op. The memory is yours. Gift it to someone whose love you want to bless, if you so choose. Otherwise, do what makes you happy."
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