When Calla, 24, was 15 years old, she told her mom that she wanted her to walk her down the aisle if she ever got married. Her mom told her they could dance to the song that her late father used to sing to her when she was younger.
In a Reddit post, Calla's mom explained that she thought Calla would change her mind about this when she got older, but when Calla got engaged, she asked her mom to walk her down the aisle and do a mother/daughter dance. Calla's mom was honored and they "cried tears of joy together" — but Calla's stepdad was not so thrilled when he heard about it.
Calla lost her dad when she was 6 years old.
In her Reddit post, the mom explained that she lost her husband when her kids, Calla and Hawthorn, were 6 and 8 years old. She described Calla as "a real daddy's girl," adding that "losing her dad was extremely tough for her."
The mom remarried four years after her first husband died.
A year after her husband's death, the mom met another man. They were just friends for a while before they began dating. When the relationship started to feel more serious, she introduced the man to her kids to see how they would react. Because they didn't take it very well, she stopped seeing him for a year and she and her kids went to therapy. After that, her kids were more open to their mom's new relationship.
"They were clear, however, that my husband was not going to be filling the role of a dad in their lives," she explained. "My husband said he was fine with that as long as he was respected and they could work toward being caring family."
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Calla's relationship with her stepdad improved.
The mom noted that over time, Calla developed a better relationship with her stepdad, even though it still didn't compare to her relationship with her dad. Calla and her mom also became closer over time. When Calla told her mom about how she wanted a mother/daughter dance for her hypothetical wedding at age 15, her mom went along with it but didn't think it would actually happen.
When Calla actually asked her mom to walk her down the aisle, her mom agreed, without thinking.
Flash forward almost 10 years, and the topic came up again. Calla's engaged and she still remembers the conversation she had with her mom about walking her down the aisle. She still wants the same thing. Because walking her daughter down the aisle and doing a mother/daughter dance feels like such an honor, the mom didn't hesitate to say yes. "I told her that her dad would be so proud," she said.
But her husband had many questions after he found out about it. He wanted to know if Calla ever considered asking him, or if his wife thought of him when she agreed to it.
Three weeks later, the stepdad is still upset.
Calla's mom told her husband that she "did not think of him when asked because (she) was overjoyed." The mom thought that the stepdad would move on, but after three weeks, he still believes that his wife should've considered him. "He told me he felt he deserved more from all of us, but especially me," she wrote on Reddit. "He said I am his wife. I should be working on making sure he is respected and honored for his contribution to the kids' lives."
Some Redditors sympathize with the stepdad.
To some Redditors, the stepdad's reaction makes sense because people have feelings. It's normal. One Redditor pointed out that he would be in the wrong if he tried to insist that he had to be the one to walk Calla down the aisle. But he hasn't done that.
"It’s totally reasonable for him to feel hurt," the Redditor wrote. "Even though he knows he’s not the dad and he’s been told before he wouldn’t be asked, that doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t still be disappointing and upsetting for him. He’s not a robot."
Others don't think Calla's special day should be about him.
Others don't understand why the stepdad seems to think he is more deserving of the honor than Calla's mom is.
One Redditor wrote: "Does he think you don't deserve these honors??? (sexist traditions blah blah). This is a ridiculously happy and exciting time for you and your daughter and your husband is making it all about himself."
"The real question here is why does your husband believe he's more entitled to this honor of walking your daughter down the aisle, and 'giving' her away than YOU?" another commenter pointed out. "You, who is her mother, who has been there through it all, who has comforted and given her a home and place to be herself, unconditionally?"
The stepdad knew that he would not replace Calla's father.
Some Redditors pointed out that the stepdad joined this family knowing that he would never replace the kids' father. For some of them, that meant he should not be surprised that he wasn't asked to walk Calla down the aisle. Some others understood his perspective though.
One Redditor commented that "it’s not surprising that even though he knew he could not be a replacement for her father, he’s still a bit hurt/ disappointed that now she’s getting married he’s kinda a nobody in her big day."
At the same time, though, the same Redditor acknowledged that it's Calla's wedding, and it's also "wonderful that you have a relationship with your daughter that is strong enough that she would ask you to fulfil these roles and you are right to feel proud of that too."
The stepdad is allowed to feel sad, but the mom is allowed to be happy, too.
Some Redditors really felt sorry for the stepdad and all of the criticism he got from other users. They believe he has the right to be sad, and he has the right to talk about his feelings — especially with his wife. At the same time, though, many believe that the mom also has the right to feel honored and joyful.
"You’re allowed to wish for more, you’re allowed to feel sad- but it’s not okay to take that out on the child or your spouse," one Redditor wrote. "I’m sorry he’s taking the joy away from you both- simply stated, this is not about him."
"Maybe the OP could have asked if there was a place for the step dad in the ceremony, even if it wasn’t walking down the aisle," one Redditor suggested. "She could still do that. Daughter might say no thanks. But at least stepdad could feel like he was considered."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
