New Mom Slams ‘Stupid’ Tradition When Her Husband Insists They Buy A Giant Tree This Year

Like most holidays this year, Christmas is going to look a little different. Normally, many of us are spending these weeks booking travel and packing the mall in order to get the best gifts for our loved ones. But now, more of us are preparing gifts to ship out in the mail, quietly aware that the big family celebrations will be off limits.

Christmas is especially tough for new moms. The year has been hectic as-is, and having a baby just adds more pressure on top of that. Redditor nodumbtree just gave birth to a baby girl two weeks ago, and she shared her story on the site's popular "Am I The A–hole?" subreddit.

She felt as if this year should go differently than most. But that led to a fight with her husband. "My husband and I have a Christmas 'tradition' in our house," she wrote. "We get the biggest (real) tree we can find, erect it December 1st, and absolutely load it up with personalized ornaments for our kids."

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carolyn christine/Unsplash

"Two weeks ago I had a c-section with my daughter," she shared. "Recovery has been a [expletive] and we have three other kids in the house. (My step-daughter is 9, and my sons are 5 and 3.) I'm still on maternity leave until January so I'm at home with a fresh wound on my abdomen, a newborn, two rowdy boys, all the while helping our oldest with her virtual-schooling. But I digress."

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Chad Madden/Unsplash

"[My husband] wants to go buy the tree tomorrow night when he's off work," she continued. "I told him maybe we should skip the tree this year since we're not planning a big Christmas celebration anyways, and just get a smaller, prelit fake one. He pulled out the 'but tradition' and I told him tradition can pause for a year. He then tried to involve the kids, saying they'd miss it."

Aside from the fact that this mom is healing, she has a good point. While the tree is a wonderful symbol for everyone to enjoy, the holiday celebration is likely to be a bit subdued this year — so getting a smaller tree or a fake tree may be a good idea. She didn't think the kids would miss the tradition as much as he thought they would, especially since their oldest is somewhat over the holiday — except for the part involving presents.

"The boys are so young I doubt they have any sense in the difference between a real and fake tree either," she added. That means that any sort of tree would really be for the two of them. The kids will easily adapt. That said, there also seems to be a little bit of hostility around this tradition that the Redditor revealed later on.

"I told my husband I won’t be left decorating a huge tree alone until midnight," she said. "He swore that wouldn't happen but every year after the lights are put on he vanishes leaving me to finish the thing. The kids help for all of five seconds before getting bored. That's ignoring the money we spend on the damn thing every year."

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Toni Cuenca/Unsplash

Thus it seems as if there was a little bit of animosity there. And it makes sense. If this is such a big tradition for him, why is she forced to put in all the work? "I got frustrated and told him to 'forget about the stupid tree,'" she said. "He was hurt cause the tradition is one from his childhood that he wants to carry on. I feel bad but I told him he always leaves me the brunt of the work and I was DONE."

Her husband, however, still failed to realize the amount of work he was asking of her. "He said it wasn’t as big of a task as I was making it out to be, especially since I was still on leave," she said. "I snapped and told him I would NOT be helping so he can do everything himself. He just shook his head and left. He went to work and I'm just here stewing in my own frustration."

Most people sided with the Redditor, saying that it shouldn't be her responsibility — especially this year. "You are two weeks away from having your stomach literally sliced open, you have a newborn, you have two toddlers basically, and a child in (I assume) zoom school," said Redditor shebanat. "You cannot be going out, helping carry a heavy [expletive] tree, and stretching to decorate it! If he wants it enough then he can take care of it."

INTJedi made an excellent point. While the husband thinks this is "tradition," it's more like passing the work onto someone else while reaping the benefits. "He's also not too keen on the 'carrying-on' part, as he wants the result without the effort," the commenter wrote. "He just wants to be the kid whose parents put up decorations for him to enjoy — that's not tradition; it's childhood."

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Tim Mossholder/Unsplash

Happy_childhood came in with another take. It's not just putting the tree up that'll be difficult — it's maintaining it. "One thing I have not seen anyone point out is live tree=vacuuming," she wrote. "Constantly. I've had two C-sections and several other abdominal surgeries, and vacuuming remains the last thing my severed abdominal muscles can handle. This should definitely be an artificial tree year."

It's very possible that her husband didn't think this one through. However, there's good news — the two ended up talking it over, and they were willing to hear each other out. "DH and I had a talk," she said. "He apologized after I explained how I've been feeling lately, and I apologized for being kind of a jerk."

They came up with a great compromise that both of them could agree to. "We agreed that this weekend he’s going to take the older kids to pick out and decorate a smaller tree, while I spend the weekend at my mom's house with the baby, getting some R&R," she said. It's something she might not have known she needed until the Christmas tree debate happened.

The post was still very important, since many families are feeling the same way about traditions. This year, there won't be as many parties. And many popular traditions will have to take a holiday. But it can still be painful to shove them aside. Couples will need to compromise and find safe solutions that work for everyone.

It's also important for people to recognize that C-sections are surgery. They take time to recover from, and it's even harder with a newborn and small children around. The best Christmas present for a woman who just gave birth isn't a big tree or added responsibilities — it's a calm holiday at home with her family.

These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.