Whether it was your own mother or grandmother or auntie, your favorite teacher in school, or even watching someone like Lorelai Gilmore or Buffy Summers for hours on television, chances are you had someone in your life who helped emulate a strong female presence.
According to Forbes, a study conducted in 2021 found that between the ages of 11 to 14, there’s often a significant drop for teenage girls in relation to their self-esteem as well as low moods and body consciousness.
Keeping those things in mind, as a parent, it’s important to acknowledge that because of the society that we live in, young girls are often taught to be people pleasers and to not make waves in order to keep the peace and be well-liked. But shouldn’t we be putting that problematic notion behind us? Our daughters and the young women in our lives deserve all the emotional support they can get in order to truly flourish and grow into the people they want to be, with no apologies necessary.
So let’s take a look at our top parenting tips for raising teen girls who are confident, strong, and resilient.
Fully encourage your teen daughter to use her voice, even if it makes her uncomfortable, and to follow her true passions.
Think back for a moment to when you were a teenage girl. Maybe there was a time when you were with a group of kids at school and one of them decided to pick on someone, but you didn’t have the guts to say something about it. Or maybe you really wanted to join the debate team or try out for the school musical, but you didn’t feel confident enough to put yourself out there in that way.
PBS.org notes that when you encourage your teen daughter to pursue a passion and actively engage in it, no matter what anyone else thinks, it can help to “boost her self-esteem and resilience” while giving her pride in working on something that she actually enjoys.
The organization also notes that it’s equally important to encourage your teen daughter to use her voice, especially when it comes to decisions about her own life and happiness, because she will then come to trust what feels right to her and not anybody else.
Too often, children and teens are expected to dim what feels intrinsically right to them because they’re minors and their parents are the ones who do a lot of the choosing for them. But when you motivate your teen daughter to recognize what feels right to her and how to verbalize that on a routine basis, it only helps her to turn into confident and self-reliant young woman who is unafraid to speak out about what matters.
Help them to focus on and highlight their inner beauty and character traits, not just external looks.
Even though it’s perfectly OK to tell your teen that she looks beautiful or that you like her cute new sweater, there is also a lot of value that comes from showing appreciation and putting a focus on character traits and personal growth rather than external beauty.
Psychology Today explains that since girls are constantly “bombarded” with messages about their bodies and physical traits from a young age, putting such a large focus on their outer beauty can send them a message that it’s one of the most important things about them, when that’s simply not the truth.
The online publication also explains that you should always try to mix things up when you’re conveying admiration and respect for your teen daughter. For instance, when you notice them doing something nice for a friend, you can tell them how thoughtful they are. Or when they make an effort to stop doing something that upsets their sibling, you can tell them how it’s very empathetic to acknowledge another person’s feelings and change your behavior. That way they’re starting to see the importance of being a well-rounded and multi-faceted individual.
Allow them to see how the media, particularly social media, can distort not only what’s normal, but how they perceive themselves and others.
You probably see it every single day. Even though your teen has homework, commitments, and friends to hang out with, they still manage to spend a solid chunk of their day consuming social media. And even though there’s certainly something to be said about being on social media too much, no matter how your teen identifies, it can be unquestionably different and potentially more harmful for teen girls.
Child Mind Institute explains that between the filters and airbrushing, your teen daughter can find on everything from social media apps to ad campaigns and television shows, there are so many representations of women young and old that are “unrealistic” and can easily invoke “unhealthy standards of beauty.”
It’s important for your teen girl to acknowledge that even though social media can be a great tool in terms of connecting people and entertainment, they must also recognize that a lot of what they find on social media isn’t authentic, especially when it comes to someone’s seemingly perfect life that’s been heavily glossed over with editing and filters. So if they find themselves aspiring to be like their favorite influencer or celebrity, you can always remind them that their life isn’t perfect either — they’ve simply made it look that way for social media.
It’s important for your daughter to appreciate the value of saying the word 'no' and having it be a full sentence.
It doesn’t matter what stage you’re at in life, pretty much everyone wants to be liked. And when you’re a teenage girl who’s trying to work and weave their way through high school, friendships, and really figuring out who you are and where you want to go in life, it can really put the pressure on you to be everyone’s friend all the time while putting your own comfort and ideals aside.
The Washington Post notes that quite often the act of pleasing “comes from a place of fear or anxiety,” so even though you may want your teenage daughter to be polite and gracious to others, they may need that additional help and support in order to properly communicate "their preferences" without hesitation.
More from LittleThings: Surefire Ways To Motivate Your Teen To Be Their Best Self (Without Causing Them Guilt)
Using the word "no" without making an excuse or apologizing for it can be such a valuable life skill for young women to take with them throughout their entire lives. If they can stand their ground on things that make them feel uncomfortable or that they simply don’t want or agree with, they’re likely to grow into more confident partners, friends, and thriving members of the workforce.
Have open and positive discussions about intimacy and how it’s important to think about their own pleasure, too.
We’d be remiss if we discussed our top tips for raising teenage girls to be strong and confident within themselves without pausing to consider how to discuss sex, sexuality, and romantic relationships with your teen daughter.
Mind Body Green explains that it’s beneficial to have an open and frank discussion about sex with your teenage girl that includes everything about practicing safe sex with their consensual partners, how to protect themselves from STIs and pregnancy, as well as their fears and questions about the overall mechanics of sex and what to expect both physically and emotionally.
While you’re having a sex-positive discussion that’s within both of your comfort zones, if you want to help your teenager become a confident and strong young woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid or ashamed to ask for it, openly acknowledge the importance of experiencing her own pleasure while engaging in sexual acts and not just taking care of her partner’s needs.
