Planning a wedding is the kind of activity that can stir up a lot for everyone in the family, whether or not they're the person getting married. One dad recently took to Reddit to get advice about a sticky spot he's in: His daughter is graduating college on the same day his stepson chose for his wedding, and the dad's loyalty is to his daughter.
The dad is careful to note that he loves both kids, but his daughter's graduation was set first, and both his wife and stepson knew the date when they started planning the wedding.
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The dad also notes that he's not the biggest fan of his stepson's bride-to-be:
"I M43 dad of 2 (Traci bio 22, and Sean Step 24) Traci's mom is deceased I'm the only family left for her since she doesn't have any close relatives, they all live away and are always in and out touch with us. Sean and I are on great terms. I met his mom when he was 17. Now he's about to get married although his fiancee seems a bit controlling and overall rude."
The family sat down to talk about wedding plans.
Things started off rocky as soon as the family started talking about wedding plans:
"Traci is about to finish her last year in college. Her graduation is in may. She's given me a specific date and wanted me and her stepmom to be there to share her happiness. Sean and his fiancee have been busy planning their wedding. He visited us yesterday to tell us about it. He said he, his fiancee, and her mom agreed on the wedding to be on X day this may."
The dad double-checked the information.
"I was taken aback," the dad explained. "I told Sean to repeat the date and it turned out it's the same day as Traci's graduation day. The same day…I just paused for a minute."
No one else even noticed.
The dad adds that his wife didn't even notice he had paused, which made things worse:
"My wife didn't notice so I reminded them both that Traci's graduation is on X day this may. Sean looked at me and said he already knows but his fiancee and her mom wanted a specific venue and its only available on that day of the month. The argument started."
The stepson ended up pitching a fit.
It turns out the stepson is contending with a dramatic future mother-in-law, and he refuses to change the date because she'll get mad:
"I asked him how exactly was he expecting me to attend when I'm already invited to Traci's graduation. My wife said we could attend the graduation and the wedding the same day. But I called her illogical since I'll have to drive 4hrs to attend the graduation (Traci lives in the city) I asked Sean if he could postpone since he wants me there so desperately. He threw a fit saying he can't and this will cause an issue with his mother in law."
Then his stepson made a ridiculous suggestion.
On top of that, the stepson had the audacity to suggest that the dad could postpone his daughter's graduation celebration:
"He suggested that I 'postpone' my daughter's graduation party. What the h*ll!. I can't do that! It's totally out of my hand. Sean never went to college (his choice) but he should know graduations can not be postponed."
It turned into an even bigger fight.
Everything really spiraled from there:
"He and my wife stared at me after I said that he needed to think of another date for his wedding otherwise I won't attend cause I want to see my daughter graduate college, it's a big deal. My wife took it as in Traci was more important to me but I pointed out that Traci didn't pick the date nor can she control it but Sean can control when to have his wedding."
His wife says he's playing favorites.
His wife accused him of playing favorites with the kids, which is a pretty awful situation to be in:
"She lashed out saying there's blatant favouritism on display here and I shouldn't try to downplay the importance of Sean getting married since it's a once in a life event as well. I got so mad at her for indirectly asking me miss Traci's graduation to show up and support Sean on his big day."
Now everyone's mad.
"Sean was angry and left the house later. My wife kept arguing with me about what I told Sean and that I hurt his feelings and made it clear who's the 'golden child' is. I told her it wasn't my fault And I'm literally stuck in this situation. Yet she still claims I mishandled the entire situation."
The man asked Reddit: Who is in the wrong here?
People agree: The graduation can't be changed.
If there's one thing about this entire scenario that people agree on, it's that his daughter's graduation really can't be changed. One commented noted:
"They can find another venue or wait a little longer until the venue is free again. Hold the line here – your daughter will only graduate once too."
It's also odd that they don't seem to care if Traci is there.
Another commenter pointed out a genuine oddity: The stepson seems very upset his stepfather won't be at the wedding, but unbothered that his stepsister is missing it.
"He has known Traci for years and apparently doesn't care if she's there or not. She's his stepsister, she is part of the family. I can understand not wanting cousins or aunts and uncles but a step sister really should be part of immediate family."
He hasn't known Sean most of his life.
Commenters also think the fight being about playing favorites doesn't add up: The dad met his stepson at the age of 17 and didn't raise him from childhood. It makes sense that he would prefer to see his daughter graduate. A commenter said:
"He met the Shawn when he was 17, he did not parent this man, this whole treat them equally bit is too much, it's not his kid, his daughter is graduating college, and as you stated and everyone knows, she can't move the date."
If anything, the stepson could be playing favorites.
"Not [to] mention the favoritism being shown by Sean. His future mother in law is clearly more important to him than his step father – and his step sister. He's not only agreeing to a wedding day on her graduation date meaning that neither he or his mother will attend, they're trying to convince her father to blow it off, too?
"Happy graduation, sister! I'm making sure no one that you care about will be there!!"
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