Blending families can be a tricky thing, and getting it right can take some people weeks, months, or even years. In fact, it's entirely possible and fair to argue that there is no one way to get it right — when it comes to taking care of other people's children, sometimes you just have to go with your gut.
One woman recently shared on Reddit that she's doing exactly that when it comes to defining the type of relationship she wants to have with her boyfriend's kids. While his ex-wife is supportive, her boyfriend isn't as into her idea.
She explains that her boyfriend and his ex have a pretty good relationship.
"I (26f) have been dating my boyfriend (Mark-30m) for a year and a half," she begins. "He has 2 kids with his ex-wife (5m and 8m) who are the cutest things ever. He shares 50/50 custody and is on mostly good terms with his ex."
She's been clear about not wanting to be a mother.
"The issue is that I don't want kids because of my own trauma, so when I made the decision to move in with my boyfriend, I took on the role of 'fun aunt,'" she continues. "Essentially, the figure I never had but needed in my life. I want to give that to the boys. In my mind, it's a way to have a relationship with the kids without impeding on their parents (who are both great)."
Her boyfriend isn't happy with the arrangement anymore.
"However, my choice has caused conflict between Mark and his ex. His ex thanked me. She said the boys love me and my 'vibe' and that I'm 'exactly what they need'. But Mark isn't so happy. He said I should be doing more to 'parent' them as I'm living with them and am the adult. For the record, I'm not a bad influence, I'm just more chill and like I've been saying this whole time, the 'fun aunt.'"
She explained in more detail what a 'fun aunt' is.
Because some people were curious, she gave a few examples of what she means by "fun aunt":
- "Mark and the boys like to go to the park on a sunday, but if they want a lazy sunday, we curl up and watch movies whilst Mark goes out biking."
and
- "I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself for the boys. Mark is a great father, but can be very uptight and will refuse to play with the boys in the park. I'm the one who is running around making monster noises and chasing all the kids."
People pretty much love it.
A lot of commenters think she's doing exactly the right thing.
"The kids are happy and they already have a mom," said one commenter. "You can be fun and still be a responsible and healthy adult influence without stepping into parent role. Carry on!"
They think the boyfriend might even be jealous.
Another commenter wrote, "Seriously, she sounds like such an amazing and supportive parental figure, more than just a fun aunt even, and the kids' mom saying she is just what they need is telling. They probably weren't thriving with just their dad's authoritarian parenting style and she is bringing love, fun, compassion, and support to a home that previously was probably wanting for all that. I think dad's probably just annoyed that the kids are likely favoring her now."
Plus, stepparenting isn't really that easy.
As another person put it, "I'm a step parent and it's a really tricky place to be, emotionally, mentally, and legally. [The original poster] sounds like she's doing a fab job."
In other words, carry on! Hopefully her boyfriend will get with the program.
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