Stepparenting isn't an easy job. Once you've gotten to know your stepkids and start to make the adjustments into a new family unit, you still have the co-parenting relationship among parents to tend to. In some situations, it works better than others.
One stepmom thought she was faring the situation pretty well until her 10-year-old stepdaughter threw her for a loop. In her Reddit post about the matter, the original poster (OP) admitted her relationship with her stepdaughter wasn't perfect, but it's been mostly positive.
It was for that reason that OP was cool with taking her stepdaughter to work with her. She laid out the details with the little girl, explaining they had to get food.
OP started by explaining her relationship with her stepdaughter, Ellie.
"My step daughter Ellie is 10, an only child, and very entitled. Independent of entitlement issues we generally enjoy our relationship and do many things together at her request," OP shared.
"The incident in question happened Sunday. I had a lot of work to do and needed to go in to work."
When Ellie wanted to go with her, OP was on board.
"Ellie BEGGED to come with me (she's legit welcome there). I agreed with the stipulation we eat dinner before heading in because I'd need to power through," she noted.
"We grab McDonald's. She picks at the meal she requested saying she prefers to snack. I say fine, whatever, pack it up if you prefer but we're not eating until I'm done. She throws it away."
OP offered up a snack, but Ellie refused.
"I'm annoyed but offer to grab a snack food option to go. She shrugs and says no she's fine," OP continued.
"We head in to my work, she's having fun doing her thing. Three hours in she whines at me how she's starving."
OP sticks to her guns, and Ellie is not into it.
"I say well you should have eaten, sorry, I need 1 more hour," OP says.
"Her dad texts me 10 minutes later and says why didn't you feed Ellie? I rolled my eyes and ignore him because there's a history here with her doing texting dad a version and I know I can provide him context in 15 minutes or so when I'm done with what I was working on."
Dissatisfied with the reaction, Ellie reached out to mom.
"Not 3 minutes later her mom is blowing up my phone with texts and then calling literally 30 seconds after sending," OP revealed.
"I always answer her because its her kid and I'm not her mom but she demands I take Ellie to get food RIGHT NOW or ELSE. I'm about to accommodate because, again, not my kid but Ellie strolls in with this smug look of satisfaction."
At that point, OP had enough.
"I'm pissed, I tell her mom 'hey, being hungry seems like a natural consequence of not eating the dinner I already tried to feed her, need to let you go because work.' And hung up the phone," she said.
"Ellie asked where we were going for dinner. I told her we had dinner, took the entire last hour I need while ignoring her tantrum and drove home in silence."
Neither parent was thrilled with OP.
OP explained that her husband was mad that his ex was mad and started blowing his phone up. His ex was mad at the idea that her child wasn't being fed when she was hungry.
"I'm kind of feeling like they're [wrong] for raising such an entitled spoiled brat."
Commenters had a lot of strong feelings about the situation as OP laid it out. Some thought OP should lay down the law with the kid and her parents.
"Never take her anywhere again. She burned that bridge. Whatever you do, don't allow her father or mother to put the burden of their poor parenting on you. You will always lose. There is no explanation that you can give that will be taken because they have created this monster," one commenter wrote.
"Let her mother and your husband know that this is a boundary that will not be crossed again. If you are needed for work or anything, she will either need to be picked up by dad or dropped off at moms."
"A lot for people are going to say oh she is 11, give her a chance, explain why she hurt you. She doesn't care. She has been raised to be a jerk and will continue to do so at your expense," the commenter continued.
"Don't give her any cannon fodder to be aimed at you. Keep your distance and maintain strong boundaries with this one."
Some people agreed with points of that comment, but felt it was overwhelmingly harsh. "This kid is 10. TEN! That's way too young to use the word never and to say keep your distance! My lord. She is TEN," another commenter responded.
"Kids need to be given chances to grow up and change. Period. You really are advocating punishing a child for the rest of their life for being a brat during part of it? That's absolutely disgusting.
"With that said, it does sound like she needs healthy boundaries and those boundaries do need to be kept. Firmly. She also does need to be put on a time out, especially when it comes to going into work with OP. She needs to realize there are consequences to her actions. That going an hour with out food isn't starving to death and that she can't expect everyone to cater to her every whim."
There were people, however, who felt OP was kind of in the wrong.
"You suck because you are the adult in that situation. Was the kid being manipulative? [Expletive] yes. You are the adult though, right? You obviously agreed to a relationship with a kid already existing at somepoint so don't degrade and call her a brat, all kids are brats at somepoint it's how they learn. It's not her fault she wasn't parented well," the commenter wrote.
"You can help change that. Be the good influence. She's probably acting out because of the circumstances. Not getting attention from the parents so she will make them listen by humiliating you. You are, unfortunately and easy target because you are the newcomer. You can set boundaries, let her know that behaviour isn't acceptable."
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