It is a wonderful thing that society has evolved toward a greater openness to conversations about consent. It is absolutely necessary but sometimes uncomfortable to navigate. One man found himself in a tricky situation where he thought he would have sex with a friend with benefits, but they did not end up doing it.
He took to Reddit to check himself. He knew he was not entitled to sex but wanted to understand where this woman was coming from. Reddit’s AITA forum was happy to help.
Online dating can lead to some fun connections.
This man and woman had a situationship that could have been more, but life interrupted. “I met this girl on Bumble back in March we went on two dates but I had to return to my home country due to an emergency,” the man began his story. “We never had any physical intimacy during those dates. I had planned to move back to where she was but plans didn’t work out. However, we enjoyed the connection we had established and kept in touch every single day, talking all day long throughout the day. Things got sexual pretty early on, we shared pictures, texts, and often fantasized about we’d do if we were close together. She would often tease me by sending me nudes, mostly topless never a direct shot of her bottom area.. and egging me on that I wanted to see more I’d have to come and see it in person.”
Catch flights, not feelings.
The woman escalated things and this man booked a plane ticket so fast his head spun. “Back in July during one of those moments, she chose to send me a picture fully nude asking me when I’m coming to see her,” he went on to say. “I finally gave in, and booked a rather expensive trip to go see her. She also lives on the LITERAL other side of the world so reaching her is no easy feat (20 hour flight). After booking my flight, I noticed she got distanced. The flirting stopped. I attempted to address the distance and shift in our relationship and each time she assured me it’s in my head and I’m worrying about nothing.”
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The visit did not go as planned.
The man had expectations about his visit that did not come to fruition. “The day finally comes and once I land, she still feels cold,” he explains. “We end up at my airbnb and she spends the night with her back turned to me all night. Days passed and she continues to be distanced. 5 days in of us going on dates now and still not even a kiss or holding my hand. I address the situation and she fires off trying to protect our feelings, and trying to make sure we don’t end up hurt or 'too attached'. I brought up the flirting and how I attempted to address the distance prior to flying out and am rather upset she’s shifting to platonic just now. I ended my trip early and went home. She apologized for 'this trip not going how you wanted.'”
He's just confused.
On paper this guy does not seem like a bad dude. He is, however, perplexed by her actions. “I feel morally troubled for expecting intimacy from anyone as I understand that I’m not entitled to someone’s body, but giving the risk I took putting myself out there, making the time, only to be rejected, I’m finding it difficult to forgive her. AITA here?” he concludes.
There was not a clear majority opinion of Reddit users.
Reddit was a mixed bag of opinions. Some sided with the man and others believed he was wrong for assuming anything.
“NTA,” wrote one user which translates to he wasn’t wrong. "Y’all had a dynamic. It changed and you weren’t informed, She needed to communicate more clearly than being 'cold.'"
One is never entitled to sex.
Other users completely disagree.
“You will always be the [expletive] if you expect sex,” one person advised. "You can hope for sex, you can desire sex, but you can't expect."
Another user agrees and breaks it down for him: “Y'all were sexting and she sent a sexy pic with a flirty line to engage. You booked a trip across the world instantly based on that. Even if she was flirty until the moment you tried to smash, she could change her mind. That fact you believe money spent equates to sex is ridiculous.”
Communication is key.
Many on the site also believe these two people miscommunicated their wants and desires. The man clearly wanted sex but they are not so sure the woman did.
“More communication is necessary, esp when you’re booking a major international trip to have sex with someone,” one user advised. “Like, seriously, don’t do that without confirming that the person you’re trying to bone actually wants you to do it.”
Geography and dating should go together.
The bottom line is this situationship might have run its course. Maybe the man can start swiping around and find someone more geographically desirable. Some relationships are just meant to be fun flings.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
