Weddings are joyous celebrations of love, but anyone who has planned one can tell you it is not an easy feat. You have to balance both families’ wishes and somehow get what you want. Conflict is almost inevitable. One sister is standing her ground and refusing to attend her brother’s wedding because her ex-husband is going to be a groomsman.
After making her stand, she did have second thoughts, so she took to Reddit to see if she was overreacting. Reddit was created for moments such as these.
The sister was shocked when she learned the news.
Things started off well but quickly took a turn. “My brother (29M) got engaged to his fiance (28F) this summer,” the sister explained. “They are planning on getting married next spring/early summer. They have been working on putting their wedding party together and they did a video call with me (32F) a couple weeks ago to ask me to be a bridesmaid. I of course agreed because I love them both and I am very happy for them. However, during the call, and after I had already agreed to be a bridesmaid, my brother dropped a bomb on me. He said that he hopes this doesn't cause any issues, but he wants to ask my ex-husband (30M) to be one of his groomsmen. My initial reaction was not the best, I basically said ‘What? Why? Are you serious? WTF?’”
Here is the backstory.
The sister goes on to share useful background information. “For some history, my ex and I were high school sweethearts and married young,” she explained. “We were both 23 when we married and were divorced by the time we turned 25. No infidelity or abu$e of any kind, just a toxic relationship we were too young to recognize properly and eventually we got to a point in our marriage where we just hated each other. Thankfully, we never had kids and we were too young to have many assets, so the divorce was easy since neither of us wanted anything to do with the other. I moved away, got a new job, and started a new life. My ex stayed in our hometown (where my brother currently lives). I haven't spoken to my ex in almost 5 years.”
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She does not want to speak with her ex.
The sister acknowledges that divorces can be hard for the whole family but she wants nothing to do with her ex. She was surprised her brother still talks to him. “Obviously, my brother has known my ex for a long time and they were always close. Apparently, they remained close friends after the divorce even though my brother never mentioned it to me,” she stated. “My brother told me that he understands this might be a bit awkward, but it's just for one day and it's not like my ex and I are going to have to walk down the aisle together. He said they will try to do whatever they can to keep distance between us if needed, but that both me and my ex are very important people to him and he wants both of us involved in his wedding. I know a lot of people will probably call me petty and immature, but I want nothing to do with my ex. There's a reason I haven't spoken to him in so long.”
Being part of a bridal party is a big time commitment.
The sister knows this commitment to being a bridesmaid is not a one-day affair. “I explained all of this to my brother and told him that if he's going to keep my ex as a groomsman, I don't think I can be a bridesmaid and I might have to reconsider even attending the wedding,” the sister went on to say. “This led to a big of back and forth with my brother trying to bargain with me and convince me that it won't be that big of an issue, and me pretty much telling him this is non-negotiable for me.”
Her mother and other sister also got involved and believed she should just suck it up. The sister is asking Reddit’s popular AITA forum to weigh in.
Reddit is a forum divided on this one.
The forum is divided on this situation. Some users sided with the sister while others have suggestions on how she could have handled the situation better.
“Your brother can invite whoever he wants to participate,” wrote one user who believed the sister did nothing wrong. "But you don't have to accept the invitation. Everyone likes to crow that line about 'blood is thicker than water' so maybe your brother could consider who's most important to him at his wedding."
Some users believe she could handle the situation better.
Some believe the sister could decline being a bridesmaid but still attend the wedding.
“I don’t think that she’s the AH for declining to be a bridesmaid as she notes that she would have to spend a lot of time in close proximity to her ex,” chimed in one user. “I don’t understand why she wouldn’t be willing to go to the wedding at all.”
Some blame the brother.
Some users think the brother could have handled the situation differently. They believe he should have been more upfront about his relationship with his sister’s ex-husband.
“I feel like some of this is that OP and Ex- have been divorced for how long and Brother never mentioned, even randomly, that he still hung out with Ex-,” chimed in one user. "This entire time, her brother was hiding that he and Ex- were really close friends."
The OP is left with more questions than answers this time.
This is a rare case of no real consensus being reached on the forum. The sister will have to read everyone’s comments and reach her own conclusions. At the end of the day, she is the only one who can make the decision for herself, after all.
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