When people are planning a wedding, there's a lot to decide on. A huge factor that many people have to consider is the number of guests they plan to invite to their wedding in the first place. People may want to restrict the number of guests for personal reasons, or simply because they only have so much money allotted for feeding and entertaining guests.
One bride told Reddit that she has a problem: Her dad is trying to bring extra guests to her wedding. On top of that, the guests all have a personal relationship with her dad that she's not exactly the biggest fan of.
Her dad's family has normalized polyamory.
She begins by explaining that her dad's side of the family has normalized polyamory, or having multiple partners:
"I (27f) am getting married in a few months. My dad's side of the family has a very normalized 'multiple wife/gf' way of life. My grandfather had 2 women he called his wives in addition to my grandmother(his actual wife) and a girlfriend."
Her grandmother didn't actually love it.
But it seems like really only the male side of her father's family has been on board:
"After my grandfather died in 2014 my grandmother came out and said that she'd never agreed to the relationship and had been trapped because she had my dad too young and was forced to marry my grandfather. My dad and his 2 younger brothers shunned her and cut contact after she said this."
Her mom wasn't happy, either.
In fact, her mother divorced her father over this:
"About a year later my mum said the same thing and filed for divorce. After they divorced I ended up going no contact with my dad for several years until he reached out to me in 2019 because he was diagnosed with lung cancer. We have since redeveloped a relationship but I'm clear I have no interest in meeting his 3 'girlfriends.'"
She recently sent out pretty standard wedding invites.
"When we sent out wedding invitations we offered all the adults a single plus 1 option. There was no issue at the time."
Then her dad called, asking for help.
She assumed everyone was fine with the plus one option until her dad called:
"Then my dad called this week asking about how far our venue was from a specific road because he was struggling to find an airbnb big enough for him and his brothers. I was confused because I assumed there would be a max of 6 people and I knew several airbnbs in the area that size. He then said that he was bringing all 3 of his gfs, uncle 1 was bringing his wife and his gf and uncle 2 was bringing both his gfs as well."
The bride wasn't OK with his plans.
Things got a little heated:
"I calmly reminded him that he was only allowed a single plus 1 and I wasn't going to pay for 4 extra women I'd never met to drink and eat at my wedding. He said he though[t] the plus 1 was a joke because he knew my mum was bringing her husband as well as her 6yo and newborn so he assumed he got 3 guests too."
Now he's in full accusation mode.
The dad then made a big accusation: "I said 2 children who I'm very close to and 1 of whom is my flower girl, were completely different to 4 extra random women. He then flipped his [expletive] and accused me of discriminating against his lifestyle and siding with mum and holding a grudge about their divorce."
The conversation has captured a lot of attention.
Some people had funny suggestions. One commenter said:
"Have them all at the same table, and make sure that they only serve portions according to the invitations. There are three of them with '+1s'? Only serve six of them, and let them decide on who gets the food."
People also think this has nothing to do with judgment.
A commenter noted:
"Has nothing to do with lifestyle. It’s your wedding and you can invite/not invite anyone you want."
Others are seriously questioning the motivations of the men involved.
"I'm not generally against polyamory, people can do whatever they want, but is sounds like both the father and grandfather trapped at least one woman into this relationship. Well not my business," a commenter shared. "Bringing 4 random individuals in a person's wedding is outrageous, and they absolutely cannot compare with the bride's half siblings."
A polyamorous person weighed in on the bride's side.
Other people who are polyamorous also agree: She's not at fault here. One person noted:
"It's one thing if you were on good terms with your father's partners to not invite them or force him to choose but it sounds like you have no relationship with these people and expecting invitations for every single person your family happens to date that is polyamorous is absolutely ridiculous!"
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