After marriage, it can be difficult to fit in with one’s new extended family. You are an outsider who often has to prove themselves to the group. One sister-in-law epically failed at this while on a memorial trip to honor her late mother-in-law, whom she never met. The woman used an important memorial dinner to announce her pregnancy.
This did not go over well with the family. One of the disrespected family members took to Reddit to see if she was overreacting for calling that sister-in-law out for being attention-seeking and storming out of the event. She claims this is her first time posting on the forum.
Let us set the scene for you.
It is important to know some background information. “About a week ago, me (24f), my brother Jack (26m), my dad, and some other close family members went on a trip to Tunisia, where my mother, who died in a car accident about two years ago, was from to discover a little more about her life and our ancestors,” this disgruntled family member wrote. “On this trip, my brother decided to bring his wife, Julie (26f) and I brought my husband. Up till now, I had not had any issues with Julie as I don't know her very well (she and my brother met and got married during COVID and live quite far so I had only seen her 2 or 3 times before this trip).”
This was their late mother's birthday.
Things were going well until the end of the trip. “So, the incident occurred on the second to last day of the trip when we all went out to dinner,” she continued. “I think that it is important to note that this whole trip was to remember and celebrate my mother (she died around the beginning of COVID where I live so we didn't get a proper funeral for her), and the day we went out to dinner was her birthday. At the beginning of the dinner, my dad said a short speech basically thanking everyone for coming and honouring my mother's life.”
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The dinner is ruined.
Julie saw this as the perfect opportunity. “Before he even got the chance to sit down, Julie stood up and announced that her and Jack are expecting a baby,” she explained. “The entire table went silent, with only a few quiet congratulations. Instead of reading the room and sitting back down, Julie ran up to me with a big obnoxious grin and asked me if I was excited to be an auntie. I stayed silent, trying not to ruin what was the left of this trainwreck of a dinner and she said that she was just trying to lighten the mood with some good news. This is when I cracked and yelled at her that she wasn't trying to benefit anyone but herself and that she was a selfish attention [expletive]. I walked out, followed by my husband and then my dad. From what I gather, the dinner was pretty much ruined after that and the whole family had left before they ordered any food.”
This wasn't new news.
To make matters worse, Julie and her brother knew this for about a month before the trip. “My dad is staying neutral on this and my brother is angry at me for 'embarrassing' his wife but understands my point of view,” the OP explained. “Some family members and Julie's mom are now calling me a [expletive] over text for ruining an important moment for her. So, am I the [expletive]?”
The family was there to mourn.
Most users on the forum were on the OP’s side.
"Your mother died during the lockdowns," empathized one user. "This was the first chance your whole family had to come together and mourn. It was a memorial. Your father had barely finished a speech memorialising his wife – practically a eulogy – and your SIL immediately leapt up.”
Announcements should only take place at a party you throw.
One user asked: “Would she have done that at the funeral? Pop up before anyone else can speak and change the subject to lighten things?”
“If you want to announce a pregnancy at a party you throw your own party – that is all there is to it,” another bluntly advised.
Perhaps she could have handled her reaction better.
Some did point out that the OP could have chosen her words better.
One user wrote: “You’re in the right, but did you actually use the words 'attention [expletive]'? If so you definitely could’ve said it differently.”
“I completely support your decision to show your emotion, even if it hurt her feelings," commented another user. "Now, for the sake of a continued relationship with her/your brother/your future niece/nephew could you apologize for letting your emotions get the best of you? Sure. Do you need to, IMO, no.”
This family needs to talk it out.
At the end of the day, the OP can rest assured that many on Reddit believe she was not wrong. Regardless of who was wrong or right, some difficult conversations need to be had to save relationships in this family. Let’s hope now that some time has passed, everyone has cooled off and has level heads.
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