Weddings are said to bring out the crazy in people, but it's easier when you've got some good friends by your side. Yet it seems more and more common for brides to have a Bridezilla moment.
One Reddit user shared a predicament where she and her best friend found themselves engaged at the same time. Everything was smooth sailing for a while, and her own wedding went off without a hitch. When it was her friend's turn, however, some problems emerged.
The poster explained that before she and her husband were married, her friend let her know that she wouldn't be trying to get pregnant until after the poster's wedding. The poster didn't ask her friend to do that but let her know she appreciated it, although it wasn't necessary. Now that it's time for her friend's walk down the aisle, that friend made the assumption the poster would do the same.
This story first appeared on LittleThings in February 2020.
When a Reddit user found herself at odds with her best friend, she took to the internet for some guidance. It all started when the woman and her friend got engaged around the same time.
"My husband and I were married late last year, while she and her fiancé are having a longer engagement, with a wedding later this year," she explained. "She was my maid of honor, and I’ll be one of her bridesmaids."
To give you the full picture, OP (original poster) circled back to what things were like during her own wedding planning.
"While I was planning my wedding, she told me that she and her fiancé had decided to hold off trying to have a kid so that she wouldn’t be pregnant for my wedding," she noted. "While I told her she certainly didn’t have to, that I appreciated the thought."
OP didn't realize that the same would be expected of her in anticipation of her friend's wedding later in the year. "Now that she’s planning her wedding, she joked that I better not be pregnant on her big day," she wrote. "I divulged to her that while we’re not purposely trying, I’ve gone off of my birth control, and we aren’t using protection."
OP was expecting her friend to be happy for her. After all, she isn't trying to get pregnant, just seeing what fate has in store. She was tremendously surprised by the response. "I thought she’d be happy, but she’s livid," she wrote. "She promised to wait, so why can’t I?"
OP was honest with her friend about what she was thinking. "I told her that A) I didn’t think I was expected to hold to the same promise, and B) I have some medical conditions that might make it harder for me to get pregnant, so we don’t want to wait," she noted.
She also pointed out what might be setting off her friend: "She also found out that one of her other bridesmaids is pregnant, but she will have her child before M’s wedding."
Unsure of how to move forward, OP was asking for help in dealing with the touchy situation. "While we’re still talking, things are tense between us," she revealed.
"While the chances are slim that I can even get pregnant by the end of this year, there’s still a possibility. Am I a bad friend for breaking a promise that I never made in the first place?"
The commenters were quick to tell OP that she isn't at fault in this situation. "Why can’t people be pregnant at a wedding? What kind of logic is that?" wrote one commenter. "Life happens, people are gonna be focused on the bride and groom and not a womb."
Another commenter agreed: "Does a pregnant person ruin pictures? I really think it’s pathological how some people feel so entitled to have complete control over people’s lives because of their one special day.
"I’ve been in multiple weddings, and I’ve been the first person to jump high and do what needs to happen for the bride. Out of champagne? Don’t even ask cause I’m on it. Lost an important bobby pin? [Expletive], take all of mine. Weird drunken friend steals the mic for an inappropriate speech? Steal that [expletive] back and clean it up quick. But would I put my dreams for a family on hold? Alter my appearance? Change my life for your day?"
Another commenter suggested that OP wasn't being entirely honest about the fact that she is trying. "Don't lie- you're trying to get pregnant. Just don't be an obnoxious person who makes the whole [expletive] wedding about her bump. Or worse- announces it at the wedding," the commenter wrote.
"Suggest that you were unaware of what it meant to her, and say that you'd be willing to step down if it became an issue. She clearly finds it important enough that she made a point of avoiding it for your wedding, so I don't necessarily find her an [expletive]."
Some people pointed out that being in a wedding while pregnant could be an uncomfortable or impossible experience if OP does happen to get pregnant. "If you're a bridesmaid it's not going to be smart to be heavily pregnant, close to the due date," a commenter pointed out.
"Not only will you not be able to help out with much, you might not be able to go at all depending on how mobile you are/when the baby is born. It's something to consider if you agreed to be part of the wedding party and OP needs to decide for herself if she would be OK taking the risk of maybe missing out of the wedding."
One brave commenter admitted to siding with the bride and provided some thoughtful reasoning.
"I feel like I’m in the minority and might get hate but NAH," the commenter wrote. "Being in her situation, she might have offered to not get pregnant for your wedding because she assumed that you would do the same. Now it’s time for you to allegedly do the same but you aren’t. Unfortunately, she got it in her head that you would do the same, so now that you have chosen not to it almost feels like her vision of you is betraying you. (If that makes sense.)"
While most commenters didn't feel OP owed her friend any further explanation, this commenter had an idea for how to approach things.
"Sit down and explain to her about the assumptions that happened and try to level with her about how you weren’t able to meet her expectations but to realize expectations/assumptions are different from reality," the commenter suggested. "Good luck!"
Many commenters feel like OP needs to be honest with her friend about her priorities. With difficulties conceiving, there's no telling how long it will take OP to get pregnant. Worrying about disappointing her friend isn't helping her friendship or her fertility woes. An honest conversation between the two women should clear things up. However, as more and more brides are asking more of their bridesmaids, there are a lot of problems out there.
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