Even when I was pregnant, I felt like there was a lot of pressure to be the mom who did everything. I wanted to work, and watch my kid, and my schedule actually allowed for it. The problem was, I wasn't in a position to get maternity leave. I gave birth on a Tuesday night, stayed in the hospital on Wednesday, went home Thursday, and went back to work that following Monday.
"I'll have to learn how to balance both eventually," I told myself. I had a fear that if I put off juggling responsibilities, I'd never want to. And I needed to work to pay the bills. While it was a tough transition, it's what made sense at the time.
That said, I still have regrets. While my daughter and I bonded beautifully, I still felt like I didn't allow my body enough time to rest. So much focus is put on the baby that it's very easy for new moms to forget about themselves. Taking time to recover is key, and I didn't do that. It's been years, and I still think I haven't fully "bounced back" because I put too much pressure on myself when I shouldn't have.
Self-care is an important skill to learn. Luckily, celebrities are trying their hardest to endorse it. For one, Gabrielle Union. Gabrielle appeared on a season three episode of Katie's Crib, a podcast produced by Shondaland. In it, she stressed that new moms need to prioritize themselves first. The idea makes a lot of sense.
Gabrielle Union hasn't been afraid to talk about her struggles with infertility in the past. She's revealed in interviews that she underwent in vitro fertilization and suffered through nine miscarriages while trying to have a baby with her husband, Dwyane Wade. She actually admitted it might have been more than nine, but she lost count herself.
"On those days where I felt like I was circling the drain emotionally, physically, spiritually, I allowed myself to have a freaking moment," she said, per Today. "If I needed to put on Beaches and cry along with Bette Midler, I did that. I allowed myself to be a freaking human."
Many women don't know how common infertility is. And learning that became comforting to Gabrielle during her struggle. "Fertility issues strike so many people." she said. "You do not have to be lurking in the shadows, going to your doctor's appointment in full disguise. You are not defective. You are part of a very, very, very large community that understands every step you have been through. There is hope."
And eventually, there was hope for Dwyane and Gabrielle as well. After she was officially diagnosed with a type of endometriosis called adenomyosis, she started looking at other ways to have a child. In 2018, they looked into surrogacy. And thanks to that surrogate, baby Kaavia James was born.
Dwyane has prior children, but this is the first child for Gabrielle. Even though she had her dream come true with the surrogate, she still had so many fears. For one, would other moms judge her for not being able to carry her own child? It seems petty, but there are people out there who hold strong opinions, often without seeing the full picture.
"I'm so glad I got over myself and my fear of what people would think of me if I did not carry my own child," Gabrielle continued. "It's OK to bring your child into the world in a way that is not through your body. The world will not consider you a failure. Every route to parenthood is perfect, worthwhile and amazing."
These days, Kaavia is close to turning 2. Her birthday falls in November. Last year, Gabrielle celebrated the big day with a beautiful montage of photos on Instagram. Her caption revealed that while she was prepped for this moment for years, she still had a lot of new mom fears.
"Scared to hold you. Scared to burp you. Scared to reveal I have no clue what I'm doing. Scared to go to work. Scared to stay home. Scared when you sleep. Scared when you wake up. Scared I'm not living up to some impossible standard of motherhood," she wrote. "Scared I'd lose myself. Scared I'd be exposed as a failure, as less than, not as good as, not as comfortable as, not as… anything. But there you were, everyday, looking up at me, like 'gurl, you got this!'"
Gabrielle is doing a good job. But now she's focusing more on being a mom — and how to survive. As she said on Katie's Crib, "We're super conditioned to not center ourselves in our own stories." And it makes sense. Very often, women are the ones taking the pictures to help others remember the vacation.
She also admits that moms get most of the pressure. "Anything less than giving every part of ourselves to other people [and] we're that selfish [expletive], we're the bad mom, we're the bad wife, we're the bad friend when you don't give every piece of yourself to everyone else whenever they feel like they need it," she said.
Gabrielle thinks it's important for moms to put themselves first sometimes. Since they do so much, it's OK for them to have time away from the kids, or a solo vacation. "We say in our family and in our crew, 'We all we got.' Start with you first," she said.
She's also still advocating for more women to be open about their fertility struggles. Each story helps another grieving woman know that she's not alone. "Everyone moves through this fertility journey differently," she exclaimed. "For so many, there is so much shame about your body betraying you and you just don't want people to know. But there is this amazing network of women working low key to help you through the process."
Gabrielle has a great point. Women should try their hardest to be easy on themselves. Motherhood is hard — and often, the journey to motherhood is even harder. By putting her story out there, Gabrielle is proving that anyone can suffer from these issues.
Luckily for her fans, Gabrielle also hasn't been shy about sharing photos of Kaavia growing up. Without a doubt, you can tell that the actress is absolutely taken with her daughter. She's a fantastic mom to both Kaavia and Dwyane's older children.
