As our kids grow older and our personal lives inevitably ebb and flow, things will also change with our parents. As they retire and head into a slower pace of life they’ve previously never experienced, they might start to travel more or may find themselves needing more help with anything from grocery shopping to daily home care. At some point, it will be time for a difficult conversation about estate planning.
According to Legal Zoom, only 33% of Americans have created estate planning documents, which is a pretty alarming statistic if you pause to think about it. What that means is if your parents' health drastically changes and they can’t properly inform the doctors about what they want, or if the unthinkable happens and they suddenly die, you may not be aware of any of their wishes for anything, from their finances to their funeral.
Even though a lot of these topics are difficult to bring up and discuss, it’s just something that needs to happen. We’ve put together a helpful guide on how to have a successful estate planning session with your parents.
You may go into this realizing that there may not be the perfect time to discuss estate planning, but as your parents age, it should be done with sensitivity and as soon as possible.
The truth of the matter is there is no easy or exact right time to discuss someone’s health decline or death and what that means for their home, finances, and general after-life plan concerning their family.
Experts suggest that even though it may be challenging to broach the subject, if you come at it from an open and honest place “to better prepare for the financial future for all those involved,” it’s sure to at least make things a little bit easier for everyone.
It’s also important to understand that the concept of time plays into this discussion for a lot of families, and because you never know what’s coming down the line for aging parents, it’s best to sit down and approach the subject of estate planning sooner rather than later.
Be mindful of keeping immediate family members involved in the discussion to keep an open line of communication going.
According to Business Insider, estate planning should be thought of as an “ultimate act of love” that helps to “[empower] your parents to make decisions for themselves.” Throughout this process, your parents should feel like their plans and desires are being fully acknowledged. They've worked hard for everything throughout their lives and should know they'll be cared for in poor health and that their assets and belongings will go where they want them to.
The outlet also suggests that it’s fruitful for everyone involved and can help ease any tensions if you come at this topic as a family unit. If you’re looking at things like your parents' will or a primary health care proxy from just one person’s perspective, things can often get lost in translation.
It’s always best to have all of the siblings or caregivers involved at least in initial conversations because that way you’ll ensure there’s not one single person guiding the planning and everyone is being heard, most especially, your parents.
Throughout the process, you can help them figure out important factors such as their wills, powers of attorney, and health care proxies.
So what does estate planning really look like when you get into the nitty-gritty of it all? Well, the simple answer is that it’s going to look a little bit different for everyone because every individual has distinct wishes and practicalities for everything from where they’d like their money to go when they die to who they’d like to make their health care decisions should they not be able to one day.
Keeping in mind that there isn’t any one-size-fits-all for estate planning, Thrivent notes that there are a few key aspects that you’re going to want to address while making your way through your parents' estate plan.
The financial services organization explains that a thorough estate plan usually involves each parent having a legal will, which involves naming an executor and how they’d like their assets distributed when they die. There are also other items to check off, such as who their power of attorney is going to be as well as a health care proxy. You may also want to have discussions about setting up a living will and trusts and even how they’d like their funeral and burial to be set up.
Ensure you are coming from an open place where listening to your parents' wishes is at the forefront because that’s what this is really all about.
The thing to remember about sensitive topics like estate planning and getting one’s life in order is that some aging parents simply do not want to think about what’s inevitably coming down the line for everyone, including themselves.
Chatelaine explains that while you’re making your way through the estate planning process for your parents as a family, it should always be front of mind to be a good listener. Or, if your parents are having a difficult time vocalizing and being clear about their wishes, it can make a lot of sense to have them write things down first and simply go from there.
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The publication notes that your parents may have specific wishes for the details of their funeral or who they’d like their antique tool collection to go to. If you’ve started this journey with them to help make their plans come to fruition, it’s vitally important to listen, be open, and be “respectful of their wishes.”
Don’t be afraid to contact experts, such as an estate planning attorney, to make sure everything is legal and binding.
Besides knowing where all of your parents' important documents are kept and what their ultimate wishes are when their health declines or when they die, not a lot of this even matters if things aren’t made to be legal and binding. This is exactly why you’ll likely want to go through an expert in estate planning to help ensure this process is as seamless as possible.
Forbes explains that not all attorneys specialize in estate planning, so it’s important to look for and get yourself a specialist “whose primary focus is estate and trust law.” The publication notes that if you find yourself unsure of who to choose after you do a quick Google search in your area, you can always reach out to family and friends to see who they’ve worked with.
Also, don’t be afraid to reach out to a few different people and even ask for some references to make sure you’re getting someone reputable who is going to take care of your family and provide quality work.
