Last week, I sent my excited 6-year-old son, Tener, to in-person kindergarten for the very first time. Of course, his school year started back at the end of August, but "back to school" looked pretty bleak.
For us, like most families with school-aged kids in 2020, "school" meant waking up early to sign onto a city-issued laptop instead of heading out the door to meet new friends and learn letter sounds. For Tener, it was a majorly lackluster way to start kindergarten — his very first year of real school. And for the entire family, it was filled with a whole lot of added stress.
There were so many issues — from tech to tantrums. But overall, the emotional toll that online learning was taking on my 6-year-old was breaking my heart.
At first, I could tell Tener was looking forward to "meeting" the kids in his class. Even if it was through a screen. But he had trouble connecting. And I'm not just talking about Zoom, though the technology issues seemed ever present. I'm talking about him being able to feel any sort of real relationship with his class, through a screen.
Every day, we got up and did the thing. He didn't want to. And I didn't want to make him. Soon, it became apparent that we weren't progressing. As time went on, he wasn't feeling more settled in or engaged. In fact, it seemed like the opposite was true.
Tener is a little boy full of energy. He's social and excitable and loves talking and connecting. But he wasn't getting that in virtual school. And the frustrations, both mine and his, were mounting. Each day, even getting him to stay in his seat for a few minutes at a time was becoming harder and harder.
But aside from the pure frustration of trying to force a 6-year-old to sit still and stare at a computer all day, I also was worried. I knew he wasn't learning. While some kids took to online school without a lot of struggle, mine wasn't picking up his letter sounds. How could he when he could barely pay attention to what was happening on the other side of the screen? He was unfocused, sad, and miserable.
Tener's teacher happened to be amazing through it all. She was understanding and kind. She also did everything she could to connect with the kids, whether that was dropping off little items on doorsteps or remembering silly details about their lives that she could use to engage them. But despite her efforts, my kid just didn't have the drive or the attention span at 6 for learning through a screen all day.
When we got word that in-person school was going to happen, starting with two days a week, my ex-husband and I were in agreement: He would mask up and go. Truthfully, we had concerns about the health crisis, of course. But we also knew that our son was really struggling with online learning, that it was taking a toll on everyone's mental health, and that he needed to be in a classroom.
I also knew that the school was taking a ton of precautions. They had the desks spread far apart. Everyone would wear masks. They cleaned and sanitized regularly and had new protocols in place for entering and exiting the building. Plus, the desks all had plexiglass installed around them. It seemed safer than going out to the grocery store.
But because of all the things that might make school a little more awkward, I was more nervous than I would've been during a regular school year on the first day. Still, Tener didn't look back. He bounded into his class with his sanitized hands and his face mask as if he didn't have a care in the world. He was pumped to be going to real school. And later, I got the sweetest text from his teacher, telling me he was really doing great.
There were still days where he would have to be online, too. But his teacher also let me know that he seemed more connected and happier during the Zoom sessions since in-person school began. She said he was like a different kid! That made me feel so relieved. He had really needed that in-person connection to feel like a part of the class.
As parents, our choices these days are not easy. We can almost never know if we're doing the right thing for our own individual kids. But for me and for my mine, I know that sending him back was exactly what he needed, and I know that we're all happier for it.
It's not that I don't have worries, but they feel a bit smaller now. I also trust that his school is doing absolutely everything they can to keep him safe. Plus, I know that his mental health matters, too, and the importance of that can't be underestimated.
