When my sister had her daughter, one of the first gifts I got her was a novelty pacifier. It looked like a mustache (my niece was born at a time when mustaches were trendy) and was good for a few laughs. I figured that when you have a new arrival, any laughter helps break the tension of welcoming a newborn.
Months later, I asked about it. My sister told me that, oddly enough, my niece wasn't so fond of pacifiers. I, at the time, knew nothing about babies and felt this was odd. Don't babies and pacifiers go hand in hand?
As it turns out, my sister was quite lucky. Because when you introduce a pacifier, you eventually need to figure out how to phase out a pacifier. My daughter was born in 2017 and immediately had her favorite brand. We bought in bulk, to make sure we always had fresh pacifiers handy. It became a big part of her sleep routine. In fact, once the pacifier was in, her eyes immediately started to close. It literally became my favorite sleep device. When she had it, she immediately knew it was time to nap.
As my daughter got older, so did the age recommendations on her pacifiers. Every few months, my husband and I made a point to collect and inspect the ones we had and replace them with the larger model. My daughter was pretty good with using them just for sleep. But as she got older, the overall comfort that the pacifier provided was something she asked for throughout the day.
If she was in the midst of a tantrum, sometimes the pacifier would calm her down. It was almost like the physical component of taking a deep breath in her eyes.
But then she turned 3.
My daughter's third birthday was in April 2020. So you know what that means — at that point, she had been out of any programs and unable to see friends. We weren't able to see family, either. It was a low-key birthday, but it truly had elements of sadness to it. While we had friends and family check in, it wasn't what I had in mind for the big day.
The age of 3 is big in pacifier terms, as most kids stop using pacifiers in the age range of 18 to 36 months. Already, at 3, we were pushing it. Prior to her birthday and before the world collapsed, we already had the lecture from the dentist.
At that time, our family — along with most other families in the United States — was in survival mode. In the early months, I was focusing on food storage and looking for yeast to make my own bread. Weaning my child off a pacifier took a backseat, especially since things were hard enough.
That said, I did try to get the idea in her head. And I looked at plenty of suggestions online from other moms who had to say goodbye to their little plastic savior.
To be fair, I did try one method — cutting off the tip.
That was one popular suggestion I saw floating online. From there, we could tell her that the pacifiers were "broken." I figured since we had so many, it was worth a shot to sacrifice one to the project.
But here's the thing about my daughter. She's incredibly stubborn and knows what she wants. On a daily basis, this is an admirable quality — I want her to be a leader and continue to have the confidence she does today.
Yet those personality traits make it complicated to create a change when she's not ready for change just yet. Immediately, she saw the loophole in my pacifier plan. She spit it out, found another one that I didn't realize was hidden in her crib, and that was the end of that.
That's the problem with parental advice on the internet. It never seems to work with my kid. But in my hesitation to take this plunge to begin with, I saw it as a sign.
At that moment in time, my daughter had unknowingly lost so much. She lost the ability to see her grandparents as much as she should, and she lost the ability to connect with other kids. Now she was stuck with me and her father as her sole entertainment — aside from Blippi and Daniel Tiger, of course.
She deserved a great third birthday, and the world took that away from her. So I thought that the pacifier could stay a little longer.
Not only was it her comfort, but getting a good night of sleep was one of mine.
That, and chips and queso, of course. Back in April, we all had to find comforts wherever we could find them. While I was a parent and knew that it was my responsibility to take this step, it was something I just didn't have the energy to do.
In fact, I didn't have the energy to do much but try to stay positive. Making plans, even as simple as "this week will be the no-pacifier week," seemed daunting. That's because during those first few months, nobody really knew what the rest of the year would look like. My brain was too focused on figuring out the best way to score Lysol Wipes. Anything beyond that was too tough to manage.
And honestly? Not spending all night watching my daughter cry until she fell asleep at 2 a.m. was good. There were enough tears to be had already, and I didn't want to make our lives more stressful than they had to be.
But it was always on my mind. Constantly. It's amazing the amount of mom guilt that can amass over something so small. I knew it could cause some dental issues down the line, but at the time I chalked it up to "every kid probably needs braces, eventually!"
Our family had a few big changes between her third birthday and now. My dad passed away, we moved, and I actually had a pretty big health scare. Emotionally, it became a lot.
Around the time my daughter was 3½, I realized that I couldn't keep pushing this off. Especially since she was getting so big and acting so grown up. It almost seemed goofy looking at her with a pacifier.
Around that time, I realized that much of this was on me.
Sure, my daughter acted as if she needed the pacifier. She liked having it. But I didn't realize how easily she'd be able to give it up when my husband and I, together, decided we needed to buckle down and figure this out for good.
I'm not going to lie — what worked for us was a bribe. We promised her a Peppa Pig toy after one week of pacifier abstinence. And she took to this routine much quicker than my husband and I would have thought. It was almost impressive.
I had the fear that she'd ask for it back after getting her prize, but that didn't happen. Instead, she helped us find and get rid of the spare pacifiers she saw around the house. If I could have placed bets regarding this change of heart, I would have lost. I thought it'd be so much harder.
She's had other milestone setbacks, but those are to be expected. Again, we're all parenting under different circumstances right now. We shouldn't fully expect kids to act and behave the way they would if they were back at school or day care. Parents are still balancing a lot on their plates right now.
But for this particular quest, I do wonder if I was too hesitant on giving it a try sooner. I figured that her pacifier was the toddler equivalent to my chips and cheese. It made me feel better, so why take it away just now?
I also feel as if the end of a pacifier means the end of having a baby in the house. My husband and I are one and done, which is truly the right choice for our household. But I'm not going to lie — baby fever often sets in hard.
These days, I still think about reaching for a pacifier when she's in the midst of a tantrum or desperately needs to take a nap. But then I realize that I'd be undoing all of the progress she's made.
I don't regret taking my time on this, since things really were hectic. And my daughter seemed happy and content. But I wish that I realized that when kids are ready, they'll let you know. It can be traumatizing to force milestones before they're meant to happen.
For parents who are still struggling with taking the pacifier away, have faith. It will happen someday. Your child won't be entering first grade with a backpack full of them. But remember that when that day happens, you will have feelings about it. It's a step toward your kid becoming bigger and more independent. And when it happens, it really is a beautiful transition.
