Getting married is an exciting time for everyone. Not only do brides get the chance to wear a gorgeous dress, but it's the first day of a partnership that'll hopefully last a lifetime. But one bride is already on her groom's family's bad side — and it's because she wants to exclude his last living grandparent from the reception guest list.
"My fiance (30M) and I (28F) are getting married next month," she told Reddit. "Everything is going great, but we've been having a serious argument about having his grandmother at our wedding."
Buckle down: It's going to be a bumpy ride.
"We've agreed to not have kids at our wedding, as we want the reception to be a huge party for your adult friends and family with dancing, loud music and an open bar," she noted. "However, for precisely the same reasons that we don't want kids there, I don't want his elderly grandmother at our wedding either."
She thinks she's being respectful by inviting her to the ceremony.
"I said she can come to the ceremony but not the reception," the bride said. "It will be extremely loud and I want it to be a party atmosphere, and she will be extremely out of place. For context, none of my grandparents are still alive, and he still has his last living grandmother."
You'd assume that would be reason enough to have grandma there — to also represent the grandparents who weren't able to attend.
"This has caused a huge fight, since she said she has always dreamed about being at her grandson's wedding (he is her oldest grandchild and she probably won't make it to the next family wedding). Which is why I said that she's more than welcome at the ceremony, but she will just be too out of place at the reception," she continued. Knowing that the grandmother wanted to be there makes this request even colder.
Grandma has insisted that she'll be OK.
"She and he both insist that she will be fine and wants to go to the party," the bride said. "But I just know it will inevitably lead to us dealing with her and taking care of her, and I just want to get drunk and let loose with my friends. She's now really upset and won't talk to me, and my fiance is also angry. I think I am within my right to make this request, I am the bride after all."
As expected, most of Reddit felt like she was in the wrong. The grandmother may be old, but she seems like she's able to make her own decisions and have her wishes be known. She's likely seen her fair share of wedding noise before. In fact, out of everyone there, it's possible she's been to the most weddings.
A lot of people felt like this was a huge red flag for the groom.
Family is so important. Sometimes, people get dealt a bad hand when it comes to family members possibly causing a scene, but this doesn't seem to be one of those occasions. The grandma just wants to participate and be part of her grandson's big day. What else will this bride forbid in the future?
One Redditor summed it up best. "You're hearing the love of your life say this is important," the commenter wrote. "You're hearing someone really important to your partner say this is important. And you're putting getting drunk ahead of that? FFS. She's been a grown adult longer than you’ve been alive – I'm pretty sure she can handle any tiredness and noise as she wishes. If I was your partner I'd be noticing the red flags."
One Redditor even mentioned that someday the roles may be reversed.
It's always good to see from other people's perspectives, which is exactly what one commenter did. "Poor grandma deserves so much better than to be told 'you're too old for me to party hard around,'" the person wrote. "Most old folks these days just want to be included. We so often forget they are still people too and more often than not the elderly go for weeks without any sort of interaction or communication with another person. The (baby) bride needs to be less tone deaf and more considerate, cause one day she may be that uninvited grandma."
In her mind, the bride seemingly views this day as an unforgettable party night with her friends. And it still can be — because everyone wants to attend an enjoyable and fun wedding. But the best part about weddings is how they combine people who matter to both parties.
Weddings are about joining two lives together.
That means it's the one time when a groom's coworker may mingle with a bride's cousin. Families may be meeting for the first time at the wedding itself. It's a big occasion for other people outside of the bride and groom, and they all deserve to be there unless they've, in some way, criticized the union.
It's also important to remember that age isn't necessarily the best indicator of health. She may be 98, but it's possible she has the energy of a 70-year-old. That call should be completely up to her. But not inviting her just due to age is a great way for this bride to start her marriage off on the wrong foot.
If she gets her way, it's terrifying to think of what else she can control.
"Because I'm the bride" is terrible reasoning in any argument. Just because you may be wearing the white dress doesn't mean you get to call all the shots. Weddings need to be a collaborative effort between both families. So many traditions — like the bride's parent footing the bill — aren't as relevant today as they were decades ago. Weddings can be expensive, so oftentimes both families pitch in.
Surprisingly, the bride didn't comment back to anyone who offered advice. It's possible she didn't realize that she'd get an onslaught of people putting the blame on her. Hopefully, she at least learned that as a bride, she's not expected to take care of other guests. Her big job is to get married surrounded by as many loved ones as possible.
All grandma wants to do is see her grandson get married.
But after knowing that his bride is so adamant she not be there, it's interesting to speculate as to whether she even agrees with the wedding taking place anymore. It's one thing to tell your spouse's grandmother that it may be a bit loud and rowdy as a way to prepare. But it's another to decide whether or not another person can handle that.
It's hard to say whether the wedding will happen, or if the bride will change her mind. But hopefully, somewhere, the groom's grandmother knows she has plenty of fans who'd all be happy to have her at their own weddings. Having your grandparents attend your wedding is a special honor, and she's the most deserving to be there that day.
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