Co-parenting can be tricky to navigate. It is made difficult when you have an ex-partner who does not pull their weight and mooches off you. One Reddit user is in this situation and has had enough.
This co-parent went above and beyond by buying an apartment for the other parent to live in when caring for their shared child. Now the child lives full-time with the more responsible parent, so there's no need for the apartment. This torn co-parent took to Reddit to ask if it was a jerky move to kick the ex-partner out of the apartment.
This co-parent did what was best for their child.
"Ex and I have a kid together, and we split 5 years ago," the original poster (OP) began. "Kid lived 50-50 between us, but for the first three years Ex couldn't get herself together to sort out a place for them both and they moved between relatives' houses, staying for as long as it took for Ex to fall out with said relative, and then moving on to the next.
"After the 9th move in 3 years, I couldn't watch it happen any more so I put what little savings I had into buying a nice 2 bed flat next to Kid's school for them to live in. I accepted peppercorn rent so that it was affordable for Ex, because the peace of mind knowing the kid had stability was more important than the financial strain this purchase put on me (and new wife, who is a saint)."
Things changed.
Things changed once the apartment was purchased. “Within the next year, Ex decided she couldn't appropriately care for Kid and so Kid came to live with me full time,” OP continued. “I have done everything I can to maintain the relationship of Kid and Ex, although contact between them is now sporadic and down to around 4 times a year. Kid says that they rarely do anything together or go out anywhere; when she is with Ex they sit in the flat, in separate rooms, watching YouTube videos and so Kid doesn't see the point in going.”
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Everyone has a limit.
This co-parent has had enough. “I didn't mind making no money on the flat when it was somewhere safe for Kid to spend half her week. Now that she spends, max, 10 nights a year there, I do mind,” OP explained. “In addition, Ex is a terrible tenant. The place will cost thousands to put right when she does move out (you won't be surprised to hear, I never got a deposit from her) and getting even the most basic safety checks conducted is near impossible. I'm looking at the future and wondering, will this headache ever end? Kid cares deeply for Ex and will be quite distressed if Ex is homeless, but how long can I plug this hole for? For as long as she lives in that flat she will have (to her mind) cause to contact me every day. Every. Single. Day.”
Between a rock and a hard place.
The co-parent is still on the fence because this will leave the ex without housing: “Yes, giving her notice on the flat will essentially make her homeless because she wouldn't pass credit checks to rent privately, has no means of coming up with a deposit and doesn't have the persistence needed to chase council housing. But for how long do I need to take responsibility for her? Will Kid look back one day and blame me for not supporting Ex for longer? If I don't cut Ex off now and instead wait until Kid is an adult, what if at that time she just leeches off Kid instead?”
OP concludes by asking if it would be wrong to give her notice now.
Reddit users chime in.
Reddit users don’t think it would be wrong to evict the ex and were quick to affirm this conflicted soul.
“You’ve gone above and beyond as it is. Ex is using you and taking advantage of your kindness,” wrote one user.
“You've given her a golden opportunity to sort herself out & she hasn't,” chimed in another.
Children will listen.
One user pointed out that this could be a teachable moment for the OP's child: “I'd be more concerned that your child is learning that they must suffer any bad behaviour with no consequences for the person taking advantage. They will internalise the message.”
How to talk to the kid about all this.
Many users offered advice on how to handle the situation delicately, especially because there is a child involved.
“You should have an honest an open talk with your kid about all this,” one user advised. “Make sure they understand that whilst you care for the Ex all you are doing is enabling the behaviour.”
Reevaluate custody.
One user even gave the original poster free legal advice. “1st go to court to change custody of the kid,” the user stressed. “You don't want her to all of a sudden start taking the kid the moment she finds out she will be homeless. Then evict her.”
Reddit has OP's back.
It seems that OP can move forward with the eviction with the full support of Reddit. It is an oddly comforting fact, especially since strangers have no need to hold back out of politeness. Let’s hope the situation unfolds as smoothly as it can.
