Brides and grooms quickly learn in the planning of their big day that family and friends alike will be quick to judge their choices. Everyone has an opinion on what people should do on their wedding day. It can be tricky to navigate, as one groom who took to Reddit for help found out.
This groom’s mother-in-law wants the couple to change their date. She even offered to fund this date shift, but the groom does not think it's a good idea because of her financial situation. His fiancé does not agree, so the groom wants outsiders to weigh in.
Here's some background info from the groom.
The groom starts his story by explaining the pertinent background information: “My fiancé and I provisionally settled on a venue, date and budget for our wedding we are both ok with after a lot of weighing up options. We booked a midweek wedding at a nice venue.”
The (future) mother-in-law gets involved.
“Today my mother in law (to be) dropped round and said the midweek date was no good,” he continues. “Her sister and sisters husband would find it too difficult to make the wedding. She wants it on a Saturday and will pay the difference. When I explained it would be almost twice the price on the weekend, she was quite surprised, but insisted it had to be on the weekend. We are also having a separate event in her sisters city for people who can't make it (it's a 5 hour flight away).”
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The mother-in-law's finances are shaky.
This makes the groom uncomfortable. “My fiancés mother also doesn't have the money to comfortably afford to spend on this,” he explains. “Her husband is unhappy with delaying his retirement to pay for renovations to their home and she has also borrowed from a friend to fund her spending previously. For those reasons it doesn't feel right to shift the date and accept the money. I also don't like her repeatedly making statements like ‘you have to understand, a scrooge pays twice’ and ‘it's like buying a Ryanair ticket, you end up paying more.’”
The bride and groom do not see eye to eye on this.
The bride does not understand the groom’s response: “My fiancé insists that her mother is only offering help and I am unreasonably taking offense at her statements, which are due to cultural misunderstandings. Am I being oversensitive? I am trying to stay calm, but absolutely incandescent with rage and quite close to making some quite rash decisions I'll probably regret. I think she's offering money she doesn't have to make decisions that aren't hers to make.”
Reddit users agree with the groom.
The majority of Reddit users are on the groom’s side. “Politely tell her that will not work, the plans will not be changing, and you will not be accepting any money from her towards the wedding,” advised one user. “That’s it. If your fiancée is not on board, you guys have a bigger issue. She should be really worried that her mom is spending money she does not have on such an egregious thing.”
This is not the mother-in-law's wedding.
“This is not her wedding,” chimed in another user, echoing similar sentiments. “You can't make it? Oh well, sorry, but we are moving forward. If you don't stop MIL now, this is what you have to look forward to in the future.”
The mother-in-law does not make the decisions.
One user got a little more spicy in their response. “MIL wants to move your wedding date? Well, it’s a good thing it's not up to her,” they stated pointedly.
Some comments offer dissenting opinions.
One user suggested the groom look at this situation another way: “Serious question do you have an objection other than your knowledge of your Mils financial situation? Like if parents in law were loaded, would you still not want it moved to the weekend or would you not care? If you just point blank don't want it moved, then fair enough. But if you don't care, or if your wife would rather it be at the weekend, and your MIL wants to offer the money, whether she can afford it / what she'll have to do to get it is actually none of your business. It would be much better for your life moving forward to give up trying to control whether your mother in law SHOULD BE offering and just base your decision on whether you care what day the wedding is.”
A mid-week wedding is hard on guests.
Another user is not completely on the groom’s side. “Yeah, I understand it's annoying to have choices second guessed… but having a mid-week wedding is actually pretty inconvenient for lots of guests, there's a reason venues are so much cheaper,” they wrote. “And couples often run wedding dates past their immediate family before they settle on a date to ensure the people they most want there will be able to come. That's pretty standard.”
The wedding should be about what the couple wants.
At the end of the day, the couple will have to decide what is most important to them. Hopefully, ultimately their extended family can get on board. Most Reddit users are on the groom’s side, at least.
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