You're having a super stressful day. Your dad is complaining about the neighbor's yard again. Your mom left her knee brace at the community center and needs you to give her a ride to get it. Your daughter is crying because a friend posted about a party she wasn't invited to.
Then, your husband asks if he should get Ed Sheeran tickets for your date night next month. You don't even want to think about next month; you're even tempted to reschedule. With all that going on, it's hard to maintain any sort of intimacy in a marriage. We get it. But, amid all the chaos it's so important to maintain your relationship with your partner … perhaps more important than ever considering your partner is likely your primary lifeline right now.
Here are some practical tips to help you keep the romance alive:
More from LittleThings: Why Sandwich Moms Are More Likely To Resent Their Spouses
1. Prioritize Quality Time and Set Boundaries
There's not much privacy when you're living in a multigenerational household or frequently visiting a parent's home. It's hard to nurture intimacy when you physically can't be alone with your partner.
Schedule regular date nights or times with each other, even if it's just a quiet evening at home after the kids and parents are asleep. Consistent, uninterrupted time together can help strengthen your bond. Establish boundaries with your children and parents to protect your couple time. Make it clear that certain times are reserved for you and your partner.
Do things that you both enjoy and that can help you reconnect. Whether it's a hobby, sport, or simple walks together, shared activities can strengthen your bond.
2. Keep Communication Lines Open and Share Responsibilities
Sandwich moms have so many responsibilities and things to remember. It's no wonder misunderstandings and lack of communication about needs and expectations happen with their partner. This can lead to a breakdown in intimacy.
Maintain open and honest communication with your partner about your needs, feelings, and concerns. Regularly check in with each other to ensure both of you feel heard and understood.
The responsibilities of caring for both children and elderly parents can leave little time for you and your partners. Taking care of others often gets your attention over personal relationships. Divide caregiving and household responsibilities to avoid burnout. Sharing the load can free up time and energy for both of you to spend together.
3. Get Support and Regularly Practice Self-Care
From being the family chauffeur, regularly helping your mom off the couch, and picking up toys from the floor, to doing everyone's laundry, the physical demands of being a sandwich mom are exhausting. It's difficult to find the energy for intimate moments or romantic activities.
The overwhelming demands of caregiving can lead to neglecting self-care, which is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. When we don't take care of our own needs, it's challenging to connect with our partners on an emotional and physical level.
Prioritize self-care. Go for a walk. Take five minutes to do a deep breathing exercise. Enjoy a hot cup of tea in the afternoon. Listen to your favorite podcast. When you feel good about yourself, you're more likely to have the energy and desire to connect with your partner.
Don't hesitate to seek help from family, friends, or professional caregivers. Additional support can provide relief and allow for more time with your partner.
4. Be Present and Show Appreciation
Constantly shifting between the roles of mother, daughter, and partner can create confusion and strain in a relationship. It can be challenging to switch from caregiver mode to a more relaxed, romantic partner role.
Focus on being present when you're with your partner. Give your full attention. Put away distractions like phones and work to fully engage in your time together. Practice active listening and be mindful of your body language.
Regularly express gratitude and appreciation for your partner. Small gestures of love and acknowledgment are great ways to maintain a positive connection. Hug and kiss each other before you start your days. Say please and thank you consistently. These little practices go a long way and show that you're not taking each other for granted.
5. Be Intimate in Small Ways
Physical intimacy doesn't always have to be grand gestures. Small acts of affection, like holding hands, hugging, kissing, giving each other a shoulder massage or snuggling on the couch, can help maintain a physical connection.
Humor can be a powerful tool to relieve stress and bring couples closer. Find reasons to laugh together, whether through funny movies, comedy shows, jokes, or simply talking about funny memories.
Stay connected throughout the day. Keep in touch through calls, texts, or messages during the day. Small, thoughtful communications can help maintain intimacy even when you're apart.
Talk and plan future goals and dreams together. Having shared aspirations can provide a sense of partnership and a reason to stay connected.
6. Consider Marriage Counselling or Couples Therapy
If needed, consider couples counseling or therapy. A professional can help you navigate the complexities of your relationship and caregiving responsibilities, offering tools and strategies to improve your connection.
A happy and healthy marriage is ongoing work. Both partners need to be intentional about their efforts and it's not something you can put off. Do the little things consistently because when they are neglected, that's when the big problems come.
