If you have a teen starting college this year, it gives you a prime opportunity to check in with them about everything related to their sexual health and well-being.
Depending on what kind of household you grew up in, you may remember having a short and rather uncomfortable — and most likely one-sided discussion — about sex some time during your teen years. Nowadays though, there is no reason why this kind of dialogue can’t remain open, honest, and not filled with any shame-inducing rhetoric.
There’s no doubt that you’ve already had the preliminary sex talk with your teen, but when they’re headed off to college and on the precipice of experiencing life independently and making those big decisions on their own, it’s really important to revisit the subject of sex and everything that goes along with it.
So, let’s dig into everything related to sex, consent, and safety to discuss and better equip your young adult for life while they’re away at college.
Allow them an open and judgment-free space to acknowledge any regrets of past behavior and help them identify and reconnect with a healthy sense of self.
An important thought to put in your teen’s mind is that even though they may have had sexual experiences in high school, it doesn’t mean that they were really what they actually wanted or perhaps they may not have felt fully comfortable and respected by the partner that they were with at the time.
Child Mind Institute notes that often when teens are partying or experimenting with alcohol, especially during their high school days, when they look back on past “hookups,” they may often feel regret that they crossed a boundary or “[shared] a physicality without [a solid] trust” in place.
Giving your young adult the time and space to open up about their sexual past without judgment or shame can be a great place to start when it comes to discussing sex, consent, and safety as they enter college. Plus, it gives you the opportunity to further empower that sense of self that knows that “just because something happens once,” or simply because they’ve explored their sexuality in the past with certain people, it does not mean it has to happen again if they’re not comfortable.
Help them note the differences between unhealthy and healthy relationships and partners both for themselves and their college peers.
If you think back to when you were a teenager or even in your 20s, it’s likely that with a little time and perspective, you’ve come to see which sexual partners or even entire relationships were healthy and loving and those that were unhealthy or even detrimental to your mental health.
USA Today notes that it’s important to help your teen both navigate and define “the markers of healthy and unhealthy relationships” because things like respect, communication, and trust all come into play when you’re engaging in a sexual relationship, whether or not it’s a committed partnership or just a fun hookup-type situation.
It can also be helpful to remind your teen that they’re going to be making friends or even having roommates who are navigating these exact same things and sometimes people can get a bit caught up. If they see a close friend who appears to be unable to get out of an unsafe situation, it’s best to respectfully speak up in order to ensure they’re aware and safe.
Remind them about the crucial role drinking can play, especially in college, with safety and consent.
According to Family Education, it’s “super-important to talk [to your teen] about the role of alcohol in campus sexual assaults.” It notes that when alcohol or drugs come into the mix, a person’s judgment can easily become impaired or put them in an unsafe situation in which sexual assault or nonconsensual sex takes place.
As the parent of a teenager or young adult away at college for the first time, you can’t expect them to stay away from the party scene at all costs because it’s often part of a typical college experience. However, you can help them think about ways to ensure their safety, including always having at least two good friends with them at parties in order to help each other keep their drinking in check as well as being mindful of who they’re spending time with.
The organization also notes the importance of your teen knowing that they can say no at any point during any sexual encounter and the other person needs to actively listen to them and stop things. Anything that turns aggressive or nonconsensual is dangerous and they need to be mindful of that both for themselves and any potential sexual partners.
Point out the importance of using protection and how STIs can affect their overall health.
According to the National Center For Health Research, based on national survey data, approximately 50% of teenagers have engaged in some sort of sexual intercourse with a fair portion of that percentage having been with multiple partners.
Even though romance may not be at the top of mind for some young adults, some teens who are headed off to college for the first time may find themselves immensely enjoying getting to know their fellow students or their newfound sense of independence all while forgetting for a moment that it’s important to practice safe sex.
You may suggest that your teen meets with their doctor to discuss birth control options if they want to be super pragmatic. The health research organization also notes that there are some STIs that when they go untreated can lead to long-term health consequences, such as chlamydia which can cause pelvic inflammatory disease and may cause fertility issues later in life.
In the end, you have to accept that your teen is now off on their own and you can’t control their behaviors, especially in regard to their private life.
Even though there’s so much to love and appreciate about our kids getting older and being able to make their own decisions, it may be difficult for some parents to really let go and allow them to make their own choices — and their own mistakes.
More from LittleThings: How To Support Your Teen's Mental Health While They Are Just Starting Out In College
HealthCentral explains that even though parents are often footing the college bill, it doesn’t mean you really have any say in who your child chooses to spend time with both romantically or even just on a friend level.
The organization notes that you can always feel free to share your own values or stories with them when it comes to your own sexual health, keeping both of your own comfort levels in mind, but “once you drop your teen off at the dorm,” you really have zero control. All you can do is let your kid know that you love them and hope that they make healthy choices when it comes to their relationships and sexual activities.
