Approximately 2.7 million children suffer from depression across the US, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. And the numbers only rise when you look at the figures for ADHD, anxiety, and so on. Sadly, it’s a condition that not every child will come forward about, either. Many will deal with it alone, in fear of being judged for being ungrateful, or even fear of hospitalization.
Society likes to pretend depression can’t affect our youth. Why should they be depressed when they have no responsibilities beyond making their beds and doing their homework? Well, depression simply doesn’t care who it affects; it just does. Trauma knows no age, either, and god knows we’ve all had a tough time the past two years with COVID, monkey pox, general ongoing bigotry, and way more.
Now that schools are back in swing, child stress levels are bound to climb. Whether they’re worried about finals, coursework, or bullying or they just don’t know why they feel low, there’s sadly lots to be down about. If you’re worried about your depressed child and how they’re dealing with school, we got you.
Show Interest, But Don’t Push Them
Showing interest in their classwork, school social life, and mental health will strengthen your bond with your child. They’ll want to come to you with their problems if you show a judgment-free space, whether it’s help with homework or help with negative thoughts. So keep that gate open, as you can never really know what they’re going through.
That being said, as much as kids want their parents to be understanding and show empathy toward their problems, they will also want their space. Their depression isn’t a dark, scary secret they need to confess to you, so when trying to talk to them about it, avoid intervention-type confrontation. Keep it casual yet sensitive, and try to talk to them about it way before you even see signs of it. And above all, validation comes before solutions, always.
Don’t Punish Bad Grades; Help Them Do Better
Mental health issues can often cause dips in grades, and punishing them for what is essentially a symptom of depression will only make it worse. It’s a vicious cycle that will make them more depressed and bring their grades even lower in the long run. Everyone is different, but there are a few reasons why poor grades and depression go hand in hand. The obvious answer is you’re not going to be in the mood to study if you’re in emotional pain. The more scientific answer is that depression severely inhibits one’s ability to concentrate, and it can really mess with your memory.
The part of the brain that is responsible for learning and memory is the hippocampus, and it's very sensitive to stress. So not only is it insensitive to punish a child for low grades when they have depression, it’s also very unhealthy. You wouldn’t punish a kid for missing school due to a broken leg — hopefully — so why is mental health any different? Spending some extra time going over their homework with them, making study cards, and basically being sensitive to their difficulties will do wonders. Some kids just need extra time on their work — and a bunch more support.
Encourage Self-Care
When they feel ready, after a big long chat about their fears and feelings, it’ll be time to plan some coping strategies. Self-care is something we should all be doing daily, but for a depressed kid that goes tenfold. Make sure they’re treating themselves in their spare time. This can be as simple as watching their favorite TV show snuggled up in bed or having a long aromatherapeutic bath. There’s a lot you can do for them as a parent, such as cooking their favorite meal after a really tough day, but self-care is a habit that they also need to form themselves.
Daily positive affirmations, morning pages, and keeping a journal can also help significantly. A blank notebook is great, but there are also tons of specific self-help journals made for kids and teens that have tons of prompts and advice built in. The Happy Confident Me Super Journal and Stick Up for Yourself are two unique journals that kids can fill in as needed, learning about self-esteem, positive thinking, and more. They can also talk to someone via Better Help as an alternative to traditional therapy.
Talk to Their School About Mental Health Resources
Many schools will have programs to combat low grades and poor mental health. Whether it’s a counseling initiative or guidance classes that discuss mental health. Making your child’s teachers aware of their problems will also help significantly, so they can offer the support they need and take their health into account when disciplining. Encourage your child to talk to their guidance counselor, maybe at least once a week, as the counselor can offer help with both coursework and coping strategies.
Visit the school website in order to learn more, as each school will be different. If their school doesn’t offer any of these services, or if you feel there’s more that could be done, attend a PTA meeting or email the faculty with some suggestions. You can take it even further by contacting your local congress member to support mental health initiatives in schools. However you do it, your child and children of the future will benefit more than you’ll ever know.
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