As parents, we might find ourselves counting down the days until our teenagers go off to college because we know that there's an amazing journey waiting for them. But once that time comes, we might experience a whole wave of different emotions that we didn't even realize were going to bubble up.
There are many different stages to parenthood and once your child is out of the family home, you might find yourself having a bit of an identity crisis or even experiencing an intense amount of grief because you may feel like your sense of purpose no longer exists.
The thing to remember is that even though you’re not the one completely switching up your life and making your way in a totally new place, it doesn’t mean that things aren’t going to change for you as a parent when it comes time for your kid to go off to college.
It can be a truly emotional and life-changing experience for any parent when their child leaves home for the first time and it’s important to acknowledge that and work through your emotions in productive and healthy ways.
Keeping all of that in mind, let’s dig into a helpful guide on dealing with the emotional journey of sending your kid to college.
First, if you feel sad and full of grief, it’s important not to make your child feel bad or worry.
There’s always something to be said about having an open and honest dialogue with your family, including your children. But it’s also important that you don’t pass along your sense of grief and loss to your child who recently left for college because it could disrupt their experience.
The Guardian notes that while it’s completely understandable to tell your teen that you miss them while they’re at school, it’s vital to not “pass the weight of your own grief on to your child” because what you’re experiencing in terms of loss and sadness is really your own emotional journey to go through.
It also notes that even if you have moments of weakness and find yourself missing being around them so much it physically hurts, if you call them up to cry about it or discuss your feelings of intense loss, that puts the burden of your emotions on your them and ultimately, that’s simply not their responsibility. If you need to talk about it, you can always call up a friend or speak to your partner about it.
Look to the many positives to come your way now, such as watching your relationship with your child improve.
Sometimes, when all you can see are the negative aspects or darkness surrounding certain life scenarios, it can really help to deliberately and consciously focus on the positives because it can really help to reframe your thought processes or anxiety spirals.
One of the positives that may come from your teen going off to college is that you both may find that your relationship with one another actually improves. Better Colleges notes that in a recent survey of 14,500 college students, close to 60% of participants found that their relationship with their parents improved since they began college.
Especially when you have a teen at home going through a time when they’re yearning for more independence and freedom, things can get a bit dicey within parent-child relationships. Often, having that space and the room to grow on their own can help teens appreciate the caring parent they have at home and you might even find them reaching out more and asking for your advice once they’re off at college.
Put self-care at the top of your list of priorities.
Moving a child out of your home and preparing them for college life and all that comes with it can be a super stressful time for any family. Once everything is said and done, you may find yourself feeling super down due to your newfound empty nest.
During this time especially, Very Well Mind suggests that you take extra care of yourself and put all of that new free time toward really pampering yourself and making sure that you’re good without having to consider your kids' schedules.
It also notes that self-care can be anything from getting massages to meditation to really setting aside time each week for physical activity that works to improve your quality of life and overall mood. However you decide to take care of yourself, be sure to really go for it during this transitional time because you deserve the extra time and care.
Use your free time to link up with old friends or make new ones.
Speaking of finding yourself with all sorts of free time on your hands, some parents may have found themselves putting some of their friendships on the back burner throughout the years because the sheer dedication and intensity of raising children took so much of their time and energy.
Better Help notes that one of the best ways parents can help themselves when they’re experiencing depression or grief from empty nest syndrome is to make those social connections that will help “[alleviate] feelings of loneliness.”
Whether those connections are linking up with friends from your past who you used to have a lot of fun with or finding a new little crew when you sign up for painting or yoga classes, getting yourself out of your shell and being around people can help forge new friendships while also working as a healthy distraction.
Take comfort in knowing that your kid will still need you, even from afar.
Once your teen moves out for college, you may experience emotions that make you feel as though since they’re on their own now, they no longer have a place for a parent in their life, but that’s just not true.
The Washington Post suggests that you give your child some space and time to adjust to their new life and surroundings while also leaving yourself open to the inevitable late-night phone calls or FaceTime calls that will likely pop up, especially during those first few months apart.
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It also suggests that as your teen is learning all of these new life skills, one of them being what it means to solve their own problems, instead of just offering a quick fix, try leaning into becoming more of a “sympathetic ear” who will listen to their feelings and issues while still allowing them that sense of independence.
Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if things don’t get lighter as time goes on.
There are a lot of parents out there who experience feelings of grief and loss when their kids leave the nest, but they manage to happily distract themselves and work through the rougher days and come out on the other side. With that being said, there are some people who may need a little help to work through things.
Healthline notes that if those feelings of depression don’t appear to be temporary or start to take over your everyday life, it’s definitely worth considering finding a trained professional to help you work through this new phase of your life.
It also notes that if you find that your relationship with your partner is starting to become affected, especially in terms of conflict and arguments that didn’t really happen a lot prior to this transitional phase, it may be time to look inward and seek further support.
