While I try to show my family members how much I love and appreciate them on a daily basis, February is a great month to reflect on the concept as a whole. Love, in general, can be a challenging emotion. Sometimes you love someone but just don't like them that day. Other times, it's hard to express your love and appreciation in a way that doesn't seem like it's lifted straight from the Hallmark Channel. It can be even tougher to show your kids love. Depending on their age, they might not be sure what love truly is.
If all goes directly to plan, I'm going to be in the "One and Done" club. My daughter is about to turn 3, and we have a pretty good family dynamic going. The real problem? I spoil her sometimes. She doesn't even ask for new clothes, but my monthly Old Navy bag of 4T's may make you think differently. (Why are kids clothes so cute? I can't help myself.)
That said, it's always a work in progress to let her know she's loved without putting something in the cart. If I show her that love can be won through material items, I might have failed as a parent. For example, I don't know my husband loves me because he buys me flowers for Valentine's Day. Instead, I love the fact that he knows it's a gesture that makes me happy. It can be a giant bouquet from a florist or a single carnation he bought at a gas station. To me, the thought is all that matters.
If you're looking for ways to show your kids love without taking them down the toy aisle at Target, here are some great suggestions.
Read With Them
One of the best parts of parenting is pulling out some old classics and rediscovering them all over again. It's amazing to watch my daughter learn about Clifford and Madeline, two personal favorites. Reading out loud is also therapeutic, and it's a great way to end your day.
Have fun with reading. Try out funny voices, and make your stories interactive. In turn, your child will develop a love of books. They'll always equate reading with fun times spent with you. Feel free to talk about the books after you're done. If a book contains a life lesson, chat about it with your children and answer any questions they may have.
Listen to What They Have to Say
When you have kids, it's important to occasionally flash back to your own childhood. Do you remember the moments when you felt small? If you were in a large family, were you silenced based on your age? It's hard when you think that adults don't take you seriously.
Make matters right by listening to your kids. Show them that what they have to say is important. Even if it comes out as being nonsensical, it still matters. Treat them like human beings, and never make them feel lesser than for being a kid.
Ask Them About Their Day
When I was younger, my family ate dinner together every night. First, my parents asked my sister about her day. The conversation was very long — she was, and still is, the chattier sibling. By the time it came to me, my response was short and sweet. I didn't want to hold up my family when I knew that there were still responsibilities to do, like dishwashing and homework.
If you have multiple kids, mix it up. Let each one hold the spotlight on a different day. Encourage them to share what they learned, and — as mentioned above — fully listen to what they have to say. Ask questions, and be interested. It's important to them, and will also help them open up socially.
Don't Dismiss Their Interests
Listen, it's possible that you don't like the same music that your parents do. Your kids may not dig your own selections, either. You might hate pop radio, but you're no longer the key audience. The second you tell them their favorite song isn't very good, you're not showing love.
You don't need to be the biggest fan, but supporting their interests is important. You need to be their cheerleader and encourage them to experience the arts fully. Their musical taste may end up changing and maturing in the future, but they'll never forget the time you dismissed their interests.
Compliment Them
And better off, don't compliment them on looks. Kids today need to realize that their traits matter much more. If your child has a great sense of humor, let them know. If you love their eye for fashion, tell them. Everyone needs to know what makes them special. Show support, and remind your child about the beautiful aspects that make them unique.
Make Sure to Always Supply Hugs
Physical touch can be very important. Back when I was younger, my mom used to scratch my back to wake me up — and it reminded me how much she loved me. Always take note of your child's boundaries, and only act in ways that are comfortable for them. But if they fell down after tripping on a curb outside? Make yourself available for a hug. It's the best way to tell your child that they're always safe with you.
Teach Them a Fun Lesson
Bring your child into your world. If you're a big fan of cooking and baking, ask them if they want to help out — and make sure to make it fun. The two of you can also learn a new craft together. It's important to find an activity that the two of you can bond over. Just make sure it's something that they genuinely enjoy. For younger kids, even lessons learned directly from you — like how to tie shoes or how to read — will be an everlasting fond memory.
If your child is old enough and your job allows it, consider bringing them into the office on a day when school is out. Show them what you do on a daily basis, and let them get to know some of your coworkers. They'll really appreciate feeling like an adult for a day.
Encourage Them
Kids can be really hard on themselves sometimes. If you have a child who puts a lot of pressure on themselves to be perfect, they'll appreciate it if you set some realistic expectations. If they're in a sport, be proud of them whether they win or lose. If they're a budding artist, consider holding a mini exhibit in your home that you can invite family and friends to.
Don't pressure your child to be perfect. Extracurriculars should teach them valuable lessons about teamwork and holding responsibility, but it shouldn't be something your child starts to dread.
On that note, you'll also want to make sure to encourage the hobbies they have that might not be of interest to you. It's possible they're really into magic when you want them to be into football. Don't enroll them in football camp since you think it's the "wiser" choice. Let them choose their own activity, and be proud of them.
Protect Them From Too Much Negativity
This is a tough one, since the world can be a cruel place. Eventually, your child will be exposed to negativity.
The key here is to not be the person to supply it. Even if you have a really tough day at work, you shouldn't target those feelings toward your child. And if you're fighting with their father, they shouldn't know about it.
You'll also need to learn about putting a positive spin on things. For example, if Grandma is sick, you should tell your child that she needs a little more attention from the family. But as a plus, your child will be able to bond with their cousins throughout this span of time.
You don't want to shield your child from everything, but you want them to have an overall positive outlook on life. When they're feeling good, they're feeling loved.
