Everyone knows that going to college is more expensive than it's ever been. For some students, this means that they can expect to work while enrolled in classes and to take out an exorbitant amount in student loans. For others, it means that their parents will help cover their tuition, or even pay it in full. Different families have different beliefs about what is and isn't beneficial for their college-bound students.
One mom has recently posted on Reddit for help with a dilemma: Her husband is now refusing to pay for their daughters' college education.
She writes that they have been married for 24 years and have three children together. Their kids are 17, 15, and 13. Her oldest is excited about heading to school, and it sounds like she's been an amazing student:
"My eldest is in her last year of high school and is not only wickedly smart but extremely hardworking with aspirations of working for NASA one day. Of course with it being her last year we're focused on her applying to universities."
She says that her husband wants their kids to go to school, but he isn't too into paying for it:
"The other day she was talking about her dream school that has a very reputable aerospace engineering program and also happens to be out of state. Upon hearing this my husband scoffed and asked how she is going to pay for it as he had mentioned before that while he encourages and hopes all the girls go on to higher education it is not something he is willing to pay for."
It sounds like he takes a "my way worked for me, so it will work for you" approach. She continued:
"His argument lies in that 'they won't appreciate their education if mommy and daddy fund the whole thing' and that he paid for his undergrad all on his own, incurring ten of thousands of dollars in loans/debt in the process. He later used his GI Bill to fund his masters."
Predictably, this immediately devastated their child:
"Anyway daughter burst into tears saying that even with her savings (she works part-time) she could never afford it. I calmed her down, kissed her on the cheek, and asked her to go into another room so I could speak to her dad."
She notes that he doesn't even have to worry about paying for their oldest child's education because it's already covered. He was just being mean.
"First of all, he is not even paying for her education. She is going use my GI Bill. So not only was that comment irrelevant but he did it to tease her. As for my other two girls, it's always been our agreement that we'd go 50/50 on their education However lately he has been changing his tune to a song of 'work ethic.'"
That would be all well and good, but the woman says that for all his talk about work ethic, her husband has been funding his mom's life for decades:
"Since my husband and I started dating he has been taking care of about 90% of his mother's finances even though she was still working and should technically be on unemployment now but 'doesn't know how to apply for it' so didn't end up doing that when she was laid off from her job a few months ago when the craziness started. She has no savings, no retirement, and now she has no job."
The woman is frustrated: Her husband is fine supporting his mom, but not their children. She says money isn't an issue, as "we both have well-paying jobs."
Ultimately, the woman threw down the gauntlet:
"And so I told him if he can pay his mother to live then he can help me help OUR kids with tuition. He has been huffy and puffy since then."
When it comes to covering a child's college education, there are definitely a lot of things for parents to consider. NerdWallet breaks it down like this:
- Will doing so put retirement plans at risk?
- Are there other debts to pay off?
- Are the payments affordable?
- Is there an emergency cushion?
- Is the risk acceptable?
It doesn’t sound like this family really has to worry about any of those considerations, which makes the situation pretty confusing.
People on Reddit definitely seem to agree that the husband/dad is the problem here, not anyone else. One commenter went in on him pretty hard:
"Your husband is completely out of touch with reality and a selfish, awful parent. The cost of college has increased exponentially since he was there. Working a part-time job is no longer a reasonable way to pay for school. He wants to cripple his daughter's future because of a ridiculous idea about work ethic."
Another noted that they have been funding their own education, and it's debilitating:
"I've been working 50+ hr weeks for years to pay for my education as I go and I STILL have 30k to pay for my bachelor's once I graduate next summer. It's completely killed me and my drive, but I'm doing it because I committed. Don't let your daughter be me, help her if you can."
A third pointed out that the idea of forcing a child to do something just because you did is absurd:
"I took out loans cause my parents couldn't afford it. No way I'd let my kids do the same so they can 'learn from that experience'. I'd have some rules over minimum GPA and such, but I'd never let my kid start at negative $50K+ just to teach them a lesson."
Ultimately, for a lot of people, this all comes down to being willing to help out your own children:
"Student loans start people off at a huge disadvantage. If I had the power to help my kids, I would do it. It's possible to do it in a way that ensures they recognise their privilege and take full advantage of their education."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
